


Hidden Blessings

by Kadysn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 17:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kadysn/pseuds/Kadysn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A decision Sam made while at Stanford comes back to change his life. Dean's vow, "We take care of our own" takes new meaning for Sam. AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hidden Blessings

  
**Hidden Blessings**

***Chapter One***

 

Sam tossed his cell phone on the bed beside him and gasped in shock. “Holy shit!” 

Dean, who’d been reclining on the bed next to Sam’s in the rustic mountainside motel room where they were staying, glanced over at his brother. “What? Who were you talking to?” He tossed the magazine he’d been reading aside and sat up, reached for the TV remote and turned the set off, then turned to toss his legs over the side of the bed to face Sam. When his brother continued to sit there silently, Dean moved from his bed to Sam’s, and leaning in slightly, asked, concern making his voice husky. “What’s wrong, Sammy?” 

Even though he knew Dean wanted details, Sam wasn’t sure how much he wanted to divulge. He knew keeping secrets from Dean often got him in trouble. All the times before the whole apocalypse shit came down and he’d kept his blood-drinking and demon-banishing from Dean, he knew it was wrong to keep secrets from the best friend he’d ever had – his brother. Still, there were times he had to keep his secrets to himself, or at least the deepest, darkest ones. Maybe, he thought, he could share without going into every minute detail and baring every bit of his soul. Pulling himself from the thoughts whirling frantically in his mind, Sam turned to look over his shoulder at Dean. “It was, uh, one of my old college friends. Rebecca, remember?” 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I do. She’s the one, uh, who asked for help when her brother was arrested for murder. It was a shapeshifter who did it instead...the best looking shapeshifter I’ve ever had the pleasure to gank!” he grinned. 

Sam grunted at Dean’s remark, then sighed. “It was...uh...a surprise, Dean. For me, anyway.” _Oh man...here it comes..._ Sam inwardly moaned. _I have to tell him something, and I know sure as shit he’s going to razz me about it..._

Dean grinned and said, “Really? Huh. I’ve got nothing else to do. Hit me with it, Sammy.” 

Sam nodded his head, then moved his long, lanky body up his bed to lean back against the bunched up pillows along the rough-hewn headboard. He exhaled deeply, causing the bangs over his forehead to flutter out, only to fall back down over his eyes. He looked over at Dean, expecting his reply to send his brother into a shit-fit. “I won’t go into the details about how it happened, but it seems I’m a father.” 

Yep. A shit-fit it was, and a very respectable one, coming from his big brother. 

Dean rose from the bed and turned to face Sam, his arms thrust out in shock. “What the fuck were you thinking, huh, Sam? Oh yeah, that’s right. You _weren’t_. You were using the little brain rather than the one in your head. Shit, Sammy! Didn’t Dad and I teach you anything? You never _, ever_ hook up with a woman without suiting up. Never, Sam.” 

Sam shook his head, but kept his calm when he replied, “It wasn’t like that, Dean.” 

“Then what the hell was it? I don’t like this, Sam. Who is this chick? For all you know she could be some bimbo who’s angling to trap you or some such bullshit like that. _Goddamn_ , Sammy!” Dean raged as he moved around the room, continuing to rant about Sam’s lack of self-control and lousy taste in tail. 

Sam ran his hands through his hair, pushing it away from his face. He waited until Dean’s fury edged back a few notches, then he calmly stated, “I won’t go into details, but it wasn’t like you think, Dean. I didn’t go into it without a lot of thought. The fact remains that I have a daughter, and she needs my help.” 

His temper still bubbled under the surface, but Dean forced himself to calm down enough to listen to Sam. He sank down to sit on the edge of his bed and ran a hand over his face, the contact of palm over whisker stubble making a raspy sound. “A daughter? Really? What’s wrong that she needs your help?” 

Sam reached for his phone and rubbed his thumb over the darkened screen, recalling the gist of the short conversation he’d had with Rebecca. “I don’t have all the details. All I know, really, is that a PI visited Rebecca, wanting information on how to locate me. I guess this child...my daughter...has a medical emergency going on right now, and they need her biological father...me...to see if I can help. I guess she needs a transplant or something.” Just the idea that this child of his was ill and there may be anything at all he could do to help made Sam determined to follow through with the plans that were already forming in his mind. _I may not have had a good relationship with Dad, but I can do whatever the hell is needed to be there for my own child._

“Shit...” Dean muttered softly. “That’s heavy.” 

“Yeah. I gotta go, Dean. I need to see if there’s anything I can do. I mean, how can I _not_ go, huh? It’d drive me freaking nuts if I ignored Rebecca’s call and did nothing.” Sam looked over at Dean, studying his brother’s face, and he hoped Dean would back him up on what he planned to do, whatever the outcome. He knew, though, that after everything they’d gone through together...the trust broken, words said, lies told, and brotherly bond damaged...there was every chance in the world Dean would expect him to blow off all his obligations and forget about the fact he had a child who needed him. Sam braced himself for the disappointment he was sure Dean would dish out. 

Dean leaned forward and reached out to rap supportively on Sam’s denim-covered knee. “I know you do. When do you want us to leave?” he asked as he rose from the bed to start gathering up his stuff that was scattered around the room. He moved around the foot of his bed and entered the open door of the bathroom, and started grabbing his shaving gear to thrust it into the case he kept the items in. Returning to the bedroom, he tossed the case on his bed and reached for a pair of ragged, holey jeans and began to roll them up. 

“You want to go with me?” Sam sent Dean a look of amazement. “I’m an adult, dude. I can handle this on my own, you know.” 

“Yeah, I know that, but why should you have to?” Dean asked as he stashed the jeans into his duffle. “Besides, what if this daughter of yours needs my help too? I’m goin’, Sam.” When Sam continued to give him a bemused look, Dean grinned and added, winking slyly, “Besides, I just _have_ to check out this woman you hooked up with...y’know, give her my _Dean Winchester Seal of Approval_.” 

“Dude, I told you it wasn’t like that...” Sam insisted, knowing Dean would continue to razz him until he spilled more details, which he refused to do. If Dean knew the truth of the matter, he’d _never_ hear the end of it, and he wasn’t about to put himself into that situation. Some things, Sam vowed, you kept to yourself. 

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s go,” Dean stated, considering the subject closed. 

Sam grinned and, following Dean’s example, rose from his bed and started gathering his stuff. 

Within an hour, they had Dean’s baby loaded and were driving down the highway, the reflection of the motel growing smaller and smaller in the rearview mirror.

 

***Chapter Two***

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it,” Sam said then ended the call he’d been having with the private investigator. Having a few questions answered helped ease his mind, but he still had the call to make to Lana Monroe, the woman who was the mother of his child. He took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for what he knew could be an emotional conversation. 

He keyed in the number the PI gave him, then waited as the dial tone buzzed, anxiety knotting his gut. After the fourth ring, the call was answered, and a soft, quiet feminine voice fell upon his ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Um, hi. I’m Sam. Sam Winchester. I was given your number and was told that I’m, well, that I’m your daughter’s father.” His stomach continued to roll painfully, cramps tightening his belly, making him wince. 

“Sam? Thank God you called. I was so worried I would never hear from you. I know this probably hit you from out of the blue, and I’m sorry you had to learn about Lili this way, but I didn’t know what else to do.” Her voice was filled with the fear and anguish Sam expected from the parent of an sick child. He felt his own concern rising as Lana continued. “Sam, I know I shouldn’t ask this of you, but I have no other choice. Would you consider coming to Seattle? We...Lili and I...need you. Please? Her health, it’s...it’s bad, Sam.  Real bad.” She continued speaking, her voice low and shaky, as she told Sam how serious their daughter’s health actually was. Hearing her words, Sam felt for the first time true fear that maybe it was too late, that maybe now, when he’d just learned he was a father, his child would just as quickly be yanked away from him before he even had the chance to get to know her. 

Sam cleared his throat of the lump that had grown there. “Lana, that’s one of the reasons why I’m calling. I’m on my way. In fact, we should be there in less than an hour.” 

“We?” Lana asked, her small voice rising in tone questioningly. “I’m sorry, Sam. I never even thought to ask if you’re married. Do you have a family?” 

“No, I’m not married. The ‘we’ I mentioned is my brother and me.” He sighed, then continued, “Listen, Lana...I know it’s getting late, and you must be exhausted by all that’s been going on with Lili. I promise, first thing in the morning, I’ll be there at the hospital, and we can talk about what needs to be done and how I can help. I...I’m just sorry I couldn’t have been there sooner. I would’ve been, if I’d known.” 

“Oh, Sam--” 

He could hear the tears in her voice, and it didn’t surprise him that his own eyes were tearing up. “Hang in there, ok? I’m on my way.” 

“Thank you, Sam. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you for this. I—“ 

“You don’t have to thank me, Lana. I’m her dad. I’ll see you in the morning.” Sam ended the call, his heart heavy with all Lana had shared with him. He slipped his phone into his pocket, and for a few minutes tried to gather his thoughts before he turned in his seat and looked at Dean. “Dude, this doesn’t look good. With Lili, I mean.” He found his brother splitting his attention between the road and him. Music played softly in the background; at the moment it was Bad Company’s “Ready for Love.” 

His voice deep with concern, Dean asked, “What is it, Sammy? How bad is it?”

Sam took a moment to gather his thoughts, and to try to calm the nerves caused by worry and anguish tying his stomach into knots. He rubbed his abdomen as if it would ease the ache there. “It’s bad. Lili’s only six, and she’s had a rough time of it most of her life. From the time she was born, Lana said, Lili has constantly been sick with one thing or another. I guess her immunity is compromised, and it doesn’t take much for her to get sick, and it’s usually something major.”

“What is it this time?” Dean asked as he slowed the car before edging off the merge lane to get on the freeway. They were on the outskirts of Seattle and traffic was heavy that time of day.

Sam took a deep breath and pressed a broad hand to his chest. He hadn’t even seen or met his little girl, and already his concern for her made his chest tighten and hurt because he wasn’t sure what to expect. He hung his head and tried to shake off all the niggling doubts crowding his head, but they wouldn’t leave him.

“Dude? Did you hear me?” Dean tapped Sam on the upper arm to get his attention.

“Huh?” Sam asked, startled.

“I asked what Lili’s problem is this time. Did Lana tell you?”

“Um, yeah, a little bit.” Sam cleared his throat before adding, “She said that Lili is in end-stage renal disease.”

Dean jerked his attention from the road to give Sam a shocked look. “That’s...what? It has to do with the kidneys, right?”

“Yeah, it does. Apparently it happens when the kidneys can’t remove waste or control salts in the body anymore. Without dialysis or a kidney transplant, it’s usually fatal.” Sam rubbed at his temples where a headache was throbbing. “Lili has been on dialysis for quite a while, but it’s gotten to the point she has to have a transplant soon or she’ll die. Lana says she’s not a match, and so far they haven’t found anyone else that’s a match either. I may be her last hope.”

Dean muttered an expletive under his breath then said firmly, “Maybe not, bro. They can test me too.”

“Really? You’re kidding!” Sam looked across at Dean, feeling totally thrown out in left field from his brother’s statement. “Why would you want to, Dean? She’s—“

“She’s my niece, Sammy. Why are you so surprised anyway? We risk our lives for strangers all the time. Why would this time be any different?” When Sam didn’t reply, Dean looked over at Sam and noted the thoughtful expression on his brother’s face. Pushing his irritation at Sam away, Dean returned his attention to his driving, leaving Sam to his thoughts.

By the time they located a motel, which happened to be fairly close to the hospital, it was too late in the day for Sam to put in his appearance there. Besides, he thought as he lugged in his duffel and laptop from the car, he was too drained mentally and emotionally to face what he knew was coming. He needed a good night’s sleep before he’d feel ready to meet his daughter and her mother, and yet he knew it would be a lost cause. _I’ll be lucky if I can get in an hour or two_ , Sam thought, sighing exhaustedly.

Usually, after they’d had a long day on the road, the brothers played Rock/Paper/Scissors for first dibs on the bathroom. Dean surprised Sam when he said off-handedly, “No need for RPS tonight. Shower’s yours, dude. Get in while the getting’s good.”

Not looking the gift horse in the mouth, Sam nodded his thanks and gathered up his shaving kit and a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom, not noticing the expression Dean wore on his face as he watched his brother tread tiredly inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

* * * * *

The next morning, as the men sat at a table in a little diner across the street from their motel, Sam cleared his throat before commenting casually, “Uh, Dean, d’you mind if I make my first visit to see Lana and Lili alone?” He knew Dean was as curious about the two as much as he was himself, but he needed to do this alone, at least this first time.

Dean finished swallowing the bite of sausage he had in his mouth, following it with a sip of coffee before he replied. “This is your deal, Sam. Your call. We’re not on a hunt this trip, but the weapons can always use a going over. I’ll work on that while you visit the ladies. No prob...but--”

“But what?” Sam asked, then reading the look on Dean’s face, understood. “Did you, uh, want to come with?” He realized that his brother’s abandonment issues were raising their ugly head, but Dean didn’t want to come right out and ask to be allowed to tag along.  The habit of looking after his brother was long and well-established, as comfortable as an old shoe, and Dean, Sam realized, found it hard to give it up, even at times like this when it wasn’t necessary. Appreciated, but unnecessary.

After a moment, Dean shook his head and said, “Nah...this is your deal. I’ll go meet Lili later.” He visibly erased the slightly hangdog look from his face, and raising his coffee cup to his lips, took a long pull of the cooling brew.

Sam nodded his head in reply. “Good. I’ll, uh, check in with you later once I see what’s going on, and if there’s anything they need from me today. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone—“

“Dude, I don’t need a babysitter,” Dean said dryly, poking in the air with his fork at Sam. He added, “We’re not attached at the hip. Do what you gotta do.”

“Thanks,” Sam grinned at his brother’s typical dry wit, then surprised himself by admitting, “I’m nervous, Dean. I’m...I don’t...”

Dean studied the food on his plate a few moments before he met Sam’s gaze with his own, and said, “I know. You have every right to be. Shit, Sammy, it’d freak me out if I learned I had a kid, but to face what you are...I don’t know, dude. I can’t say I envy you, but this is, well, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.”

Sam responded to Dean’s remark with a startled jerk back in his seat. “A blessing?” Just when he thought he knew and understood every tiny nuance of his brother, Dean could find a way to surprise him. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Dean hedged, “look at it this way. You’ve just learned you have a child. After all the crap we’ve seen and experienced in our life, did you ever really expect to be a dad? I don’t know about you, but I’ve always expected to one day be battling some creepy ass mofo and finally bite it...for good this time. To never have a family—a wife and 2.5 kids and a dog and a house with a white picket fence—I just never saw it as my lot in life. You, Sammy, you’re the one who ought to have a nice, quiet, peaceful life. I took you away from that, and you don’t know how many times I’ve kicked myself in the ass for it. But, I thought what’s done is done. This is our life and we lead it the best way we know how. But now...Sam, you have a daughter. I hope like hell this works out for you.”

Sam could read Dean’s face like it was a book, so the hint of embarrassment Dean felt for his out-of-character chick-flick moment put a grin on Sam’s face. Appreciating his brother’s sentiment, he decided not to razz Dean about it, so he leaned over his plate and took a bite of his French toast.

 

***Chapter Three***

 

Sam strode through the automated glass doors of the hospital, and when he noticed the small gift shop just beyond the foyer on the right, he decided to check it out. Before he reached the open door, he stopped and looked through the large window that showcased a menagerie of stuffed animals and other miscellanea. One small item caught his eye, and grinning, he stepped through the door and went right to the plush animals.

Whimsical and adorable, the little stuffed fluorescent green frog grinned up at Sam with a facial expression that drew a chuckle out of him. A little stitched-on button over the frog’s belly said “press me” so Sam did, and the low-pitched ‘ribbit-ribbet’ brought an enchanted smile to Sam’s face. He pressed the button once more, and chuckled in delight over the sound.

His large hand craddling the frog, Sam carried it to the counter where a saleswoman waited. When she commented, “Cute, huh?” Sam grinned and admitted, “I couldn’t resist.” After a momentary pause, he added softly, “It’s for my daughter.”

The sale complete and the frog bagged, Sam exited the shop and found the elevators. Pushing the ‘up’ button, he waited for the first door to open, then once inside, selected the fifth floor. With him in the lift was an elderly woman in a wheelchair, accompanied by another, younger woman, obviously mother and daughter, Sam considered. He smiled and said ‘hello,’ and when the elevator dinged and stopped and the door opened, he held it to allow the women to exit freely. He nodded at their thanks, then followed after them.

Just down the hallway to the right of the elevators, Sam found the nurse’s desk. Behind the counter sat a blonde-haired woman who appeared to be around Sam’s age or a little older, wearing bright scrubs with a bold pattern of butterflies and ladybugs. When she looked up at him, Sam grinned at her, and noted the name on her badge. “Hi, Megan. I’m Sam Winchester. I’m here to see Lana Monroe and her daughter, Lili. Can I go on in?”

“If you’ll wait here just a minute, I’ll check.” She rose from her chair, and when she stood, she leaned toward him slightly, and said softly, “Lili hasn’t had a very good day, bless her heart.”  Once Megan rounded the desk, she paused beside Sam and added, “I’ll be right back.”

Sam nodded and said, his voice low and husky, “Thanks.”

Within a few minutes, Megan returned, followed by another woman. Tall, slender, with long strawberry blond hair, she wearily pushed hair away from her face with a hand that, to Sam’s observant gaze, trembled slightly in exhaustion.

This, he surmised, was Lana. As she walked toward him, he saw her sizing him up, just as he was doing her. Her eyes widened imperceptibly and Sam wondered if, just as he’d seen other people do when first meeting him, she was a little intimidated by his size.

When she came to a stop just a few feet from him, Sam reached out to take one of her hands in his. “Lana...”

Lana allowed him to hold her hands only a moment before she pulled them from his only to wrap her arms around his waist and give him a hug. Her face was buried against his chest causing her voice to be muffled. “Thank you, Sam. I know all this must have come as a surprise to you, but I didn’t know where else to turn. You’re our last hope.” Lana sighed deeply, her voice low and shaky. She pulled back, and gazing up into the smoky blue depths of his eyes, added, “Lili’s sleeping right now, but please, come in. I want you to see her—to see why we need you so much.”

When she turned and walked toward an open doorway not far from where they stood, Sam followed, his steps a little hesitant. Nervous, he braced himself for what he would see.

When he stepped through the doorway, his gaze immediately fell on the small figure lying quietly on the bed. His heart quivered within his chest, and he gasped. There she lay, hooked up to IV tubes and monitors. His little girl, and Sam instantly fell in love.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Lana asked softly, her voice full of motherly love. “Even as ill as she is, my baby is...” She began to cry, her shoulders shaking with her sobs.

Sam wrapped an arm around her shoulders and held her close, wanting to comfort her but not really knowing how to do it, all things considered. Feeling a bit awkward from the display of emotion Lana was showing, Sam stood and let her cry.

“I’m sorry,” Lana said, wiping her eyes. “It just hits me sometimes, you know?”

Sam turned her to face him, and keeping his voice low and comforting, he said, “That’s completely understandable, Lana. This is a lot to deal with, but—forgive me for asking—but are you on your own with this? I mean, is there a husband or family?”

Lana shook her head, then gesturing at a couple chairs across the room that lined the windowed wall next to the bed, allowed Sam to escort her to one of them, his hand at her elbow. Once they were sitting, she spoke softly. “Patrick and I were married for a few years, and we wanted babies. God, we wanted them so much, but after a lot of testing, the doctors told us Patrick couldn’t father children. We were devastated, of course, but bless his heart, Patrick said we could try other methods. I knew how much he wanted children of his own, but there was just no way any child of mine would be his, by blood, at least. He was the one who suggested the route we ended up taking...and that’s where you came in.”

Sam nodded, remembering how he’d become involved, albeit in a distant way. He felt good, really good, that he’d been able to help them, and he felt bad that there’d been the need for it in the first place. He realized _it’d kill me if I were in their place, wanting a baby so much and knowing it was impossible without some help from somewhere, someone..._

Lana looked over at him, and after only a moment, looked away, embarrassment making her cheeks pinken with a rosy glow. “Can I ask _why_ you did what you did, Sam? _Why_ did you choose to donate your...sperm?”

Sam noticed her hesitation in saying the word. “I was a college student, Lana. I needed money. It wasn’t a spur of the moment thought or a decision made lightly, though. I wanted to help others. It’s kind of something my family does, you see...helping people...but I agree that _this_ was a rather different way of going about it.” He grinned faintly, just enough to make the dimples in his cheeks pop out.

Lana nodded her head in agreement. “Well, anyway, because of your...help...Patrick and I were able to conceive. We didn’t know who had contributed, but we were so grateful. This man, whoever he was, had given us the greatest joy we had ever received. When we learned I was pregnant, we were over the moon. Patrick always had this huge grin on his face, and I...well...I was beside myself. Then when we learned I was carrying twins—“

“ _Twins?_ ” Sam looked at Lana, flabbergasted. “I... _twins?_ But, what happened? Lili—“

“I’m sorry, Sam. It’s hard to talk about, but Matthew, Lili’s brother, died before birth. He—“ Lana hung her head, the honeyed locks of her hair hiding her face from Sam’s view until she raised her head once more and, lifting a hand to sweep the hair away from her face, looked at him once more. “He was so tiny, Sam. When Patrick was allowed to hold him, he could fit Matt into the palm of his hand. Other than being so small, he was perfect, Sam...my baby boy.” Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably.

His own emotions overwhelming him, Sam allowed tears to stream down his cheeks. A large teardrop plopped on his hand where it lay resting on his denim-covered thigh. He gave Lana some time to recover, needing the time himself. After a few minutes, he lifted the hand from his leg and thumbed his tears away, then reached out and covered Lana’s clasped hands with his.

He had to know. “I’m sorry, but where’s Patrick, Lana? Why isn’t he here with you?”

Lana sighed deeply, raggedly, before she replied, “When I was seven months pregnant, and we hadn’t yet learned of Matt’s death, we learned that Patrick was ill. At first we thought it was just the flu or something, but it lingered, and he...he died suddenly one day. It was so unexpected. By that time, I had also lost Matthew, and...God, Sam, I was devastated. First Matthew, then Patrick, and then when Lili was born and the doctors told me how frail and ill she was—“ 

Sam was sickened. His heart ached for her, and there was nothing he could do but pull her close and hold her while she wept fresh tears. She’d been alone, forced to deal with everything without any help or comfort. Had he only known...but he hadn’t. He’d had no clue. “I’m here and I’m going to help. You’re not in this alone anymore.” **  
**

**  
**

***Chapter Four***

A small voice from the bed, groggy and a little breathy, called out, “Mommy?” Lana jumped up from her chair and went to the bedside, and reaching out, smoothed the lank strands of dark brown hair from her daughter’s face. “Hey, pumpkin! Did you have a nice nap?” 

Lili looked up at her mother and, seeing the loving and tender expression there, smiled weakly. Comforted by her mother’s presence, Lili turned her head and noticed a strange man standing by one of the chairs in the corner. “Who’s that, Mommy? He’s _talllllll_!” 

Lana glanced over her shoulder at Sam and shared an amused look with him before turning back to Lili to answer the child’s question. “He’s a friend of Mommy’s, sweetie. He’s come to visit you. Is that ok?” 

Sam looked on as mother and child spoke softly to one another, and he studied his daughter now that she was awake. One side of her face was creased with wrinkles from the scrunched-up fabric of her pillow from where she’d had her head resting while she was asleep, and yet it was flushed with color. He felt his heart contract with pride to see that she resembled him in her coloring, as well as the fact she too bore a tiny mole, although hers was at the left corner of her mouth. When she looked over at him and gave him a sweet smile, he saw that even her eye color matched his, if not a shade darker blue. 

Lana turned back and gestured at him with a beckoning hand. “Would you like to meet Lili, Sam?” 

He grinned, and said, “I’d be honored.” He walked the few steps to join Lana at the side of the bed, and reached to take Lili’s small, delicate hand in his. The sheer size of his hand engulfed her tiny one. With an awed tone in his voice, he said, “I’ve never met a princess before, especially one as beautiful as you!” 

Lili looked up at the huge man standing beside her mommy and giggled. “I’m not a princess, silly. I’m just a little girl.” 

Sam shook his head in disbelief. “Nah...you _must_ be a princess. All princesses are beautiful, and you’re beautiful, so you’re—“ 

“Am I a princess, Mommy?” Lili interrupted him as she looked up at her mother for confirmation. If Mommy said it was true, then it must be. 

“You are to me, pumpkin,” Lana said then sent Sam another look. “Sam’s really smart, baby. If he says you’re a princess, then I believe him.” 

Lili gazed at Sam a moment as if she were trying to decide for herself if what he said was true. Finally, nodding her head, she said, “I _am_ a princess, Mommy! But where’s my crown?” 

Sam laughed softly at her question. “I don’t know about that, sweetheart, but every princess has to have a frog to kiss, right?” He stepped away from the side of the bed just long enough to retrieve the bag he’d brought into the room. He reached inside and drew the plush frog out and presented it to Lili. “He met me on the way here, and during our conversation, he said he was looking for Princess Lili. I told him I was coming to see you, so he came with me.” 

Lili took the frog from Sam’s hand and gazed at it lovingly. She pressed the button on its belly and when she heard its _ribbet-ribbet_ she giggled and hugged it to her chest. “Thank you!” she smiled at Sam, then pressed the frog’s belly a few more times, and each _ribbet_ produced peals of giggles from her. 

Sam was completely enchanted with this child of his, this child he’d never expected to know of let alone have the chance to meet and grow attached to so quickly. His heart ached with love for her. 

Within a short space of time, though, he could see how tired and weakened she was. He looked over at Lana and their gazes met, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. He understood, and nodded his head slightly, then turned back to face Lili. “Princess, I going to leave you for now.” He bowed low over the bed and pressed a soft kiss upon the back of her hand, the one free of IV tubes. “Can I come see you again, soon? I’ll bring your crown with me...” 

Lili, visibly weakened from the visit, nodded her head and said, her voice faint, “Don’t forget.” 

“I won’t, sweetheart,” Sam promised. When he turned and walked toward the hospital room door, Lana followed him. He stopped and looked at her, compassion and love for the child on the bed filling his smoky gaze. “When I come back, do you mind if my brother comes with me?” 

“Your brother? Dean, right?” Lana asked, her voice low. 

“Yeah. When I told him I planned to come here, to Seattle, he insisted on coming along. Lana, we both want to do whatever we can to help Lili. We’ll be tested, whatever. Just say the word and we’re there.” Sam pressed a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently. 

Lana smiled her thanks. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that, Sam. By all means, bring your brother. He’s Lili’s uncle, after all, and if he wants to help—“ 

“Good. I’ll do that. Call anytime, and let us know what we need to do, and when, and where to do it. We’re at your beck and call.” Sam reached for her hands, and held them, surrounding their daintiness with his large ones. 

Lana gave him a look of surprise, but didn’t comment on his gesture. Instead, she said, “Thanks, Sam...for everything.” She allowed her hands to be held in his a few moments then pulled them away and stepped back. “I’ll call.” 

Sam smiled at her, then after one last look toward the bed and his once more sleeping daughter, stuffed frog clasped tightly to her chest, he nodded and stepped from the room. 

* * * * * 

When Sam pushed open the door to the motel room, he found Dean sitting at the small kitchenette table, cleaning their weapons. To one side lay the ones he’d already gone over, and in his hands he held his favorite gun, his pearl-handled nickle-plated Colt 1911 A1 .45 caliber semi-automatic. Sam smirked as he crossed the room to sit on the edge of his bed, and kicked off his boots. Dean, he thought, loved that gun almost as much as he loved his baby, the Impala. Almost...but not quite. 

He was pulling his second boot off when Dean turned around in his chair and asked, “So...how’s Lili?” Sam could read in Dean’s voice and the expression on his face that his brother was truly concerned for his niece, this child neither of them had known about a week ago. “What did Lana have to say?” 

Sam piled his pillows against the carved headboard, then leaned back against them and stretched out his long legs. He sighed, and after running his fingers through his hair, replied, “Lili’s frail. Tiny, for a child her age. _Beautiful_...” He gave Dean a look filled with all the emotions he wasn’t sure how to express in words. “God, Dean—I honestly don’t know how Lana has held up all this time. She’s been alone in this since before Lili’s birth.” Sam went on to fill in the details that Lana had shared with him, and as he talked, he watched the varied expressions as they crossed Dean’s face. Compassion, concern, dismay—every emotion he had felt himself as he listened to Lana expound on what she had been through with Lili over the last years. 

Dean shook his head in amazement. “Shit, Sam. She must be an amazing woman.” He turned to the side long enough to set his gun on the table, then turned to face Sam once more. “When can I go see Lili? I want to, you know.” 

“I know,” Sam acknowledged. “I asked Lana, and she said you’re welcome to visit. She said, ‘He’s her uncle, after all.’” He met Dean’s grin with one of his own, understanding completely how much it meant to his brother to hear his presence in Lili’s life was welcomed. He added, “I told her we’ll do whatever’s needed.” 

Dean nodded, then rose from his chair and crossed the room to stand in front of the window that looked out over the parking lot. He thrust his hands into his pockets, and stood there, silent for a few minutes. 

Sam watched him, wondering what was going on in his brother’s head. His own thoughts were many, and they were all centered on Lili and what would come in the next days...weeks...however long it took for them to find a way to help his little girl. 

When Dean turned around to face Sam once more, it was with a resolute look on his face. “Damn straight. If we’ve ever done anything important in this life, Sam, this is it.” 

Sam never loved his brother more than at that moment. Knowing how much Dean despised what he called ‘chick-flick moments,’ Sam elected to keep it simple. He pushed his lanky body off the bed and rose to join his brother at the window. He rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. “Thanks, dude.” 

Dean nodded. Sam could tell there was more on his brother’s mind, so he stood there and waited for Dean to say what else he had to say. He didn’t have to wait long. 

“Sam, as thrilled as I am that you were getting some action back then—you dog—“ Dean grinned and gave Sam the thumbs up. “I’m not stupid. I’ve done the math, and I know there’s a lot more to this story you haven’t told me. Lili’s six, you said...“ Dean paused and waited for Sam to reluctantly acknowledge the fact, then continued, “...and I figured that Jessica wasn’t exactly the only girl you had at Stanford.” 

“Dean—“ 

“Hold on a minute—“ Dean held out his hand in a _‘let me finish’_ gesture. “There’s a lot you’re not telling me, and I want to know when you were with Lana, why you haven’t told me about her before now, and even more importantly, why you didn’t suit up when you did have this hook-up.” 

Sam started to turn and walk away, wanting like hell to avoid the conversation, but when Dean reached out and grabbed him by the arm to stop him, Sam paused in his retreat, and only jerked his arm from Dean’s grasp. He glared at Dean and grumbled, “It’s really none of your business, is it, Dean? You have no right to ask me for details when you’re the master of keeping your own council.” 

“We’re not talking about me, Sam. We’re talking about you, having sex with this woman, and not taking precautions. I’m completely on board with you getting it on with her, but where were the condoms, dude? I distinctly remember stashing a box of them in your duffle before you left.” Dean smirked, and Sam could see how proud he was to have thought he was watching out for his baby brother, something that had become deeply ingrained in him since the day Sam was born. 

“Dean—“ Sam stared at his brother and realized the moment had come when he would have to have the discussion he’d been trying to avoid. Sighing, he turned his back and walked across the room to his bed and sat wearily on the edge. He leaned forward and rested his chin on a hand, his elbow propped on a thigh. He looked at Dean for a long moment then, looking away again, began to speak... 

“I, uh, was short of funds one semester and I decided to, uh, be a sperm donor.” There was a moment of silence, and when Sam gazed up and into his brother’s face, the sheer WTF expression made him grin momentarily. He wiped the smile off his face and continued speaking. “I’d heard that smart, healthy, nice looking guys got big bucks for something like that.” 

That statement finally broke Dean out of his shock and into a fit of hysterical laughter. Sam watched as Dean collapsed onto his bed and laid back, his guffaws shaking his body and tears of hilarity coursing down his face. After several long minutes, Dean was finally able to control himself, and sat up to look over at Sam. 

“Dude, I can’t get over the fact that you whacked off and sold it! At least tell me you got some cute little nurse to give you a hand—“ 

Sam glared at Dean and said succinctly, “Fuck you,” which sent Dean into another round of laughter. Beyond being impatient with Dean and his dickhead sense of humor by this point, Sam grabbed his cell phone and his wallet, and stomped out of the motel room, chased all the while by Dean’s mirth. **  
**

**  
**

***Chapter Five***

Sam paced around outside the door and along the sidewalk for several minutes, so pissed off over Dean’s comments he could barely see straight. Here he’d been spilling his guts, and Dean _laughed_ at him like he was a complete lame ass _._ Yeah, so maybe he hadn’t reasoned through everything thoroughly enough back then, not giving enough consideration to the fact that he could be producing an entire _litter_ of kids he’d never know. Damn it! He’d been trying to help people! What was so fucking wrong with that, huh? 

He couldn’t get past Dean’s typically crude response—patting him on the back at the thought Sam had been nailing every frat girl he saw. _That’s patented Dean Winchester_ _right there_ Sam reminded himself. _That’s not how I do things, and Dean knows that, the jerk!_

After pacing around the parking lot for several minutes, Sam finally calmed down enough to realize something...something about Dean he should have considered at the time but was too fired up to think about. Dean, he knew, often reacted inappropriately—making a joke in a tense and serious situation.  It seemed to be a coping mechanism of his, and Sam chewed himself out for not remembering that. _Dean is Dean_ , Sam told himself. _There I was, expecting him to_ _give me a thorough dressing down, when h_ _e was probably trying to find a way to let me off the hook without resorting to any despised chick flick moments.  
_

Not wanting to think about it anymore, Sam forcibly pushed his anger aside. He crossed the parking lot, and as he did so, a thought popped into his head. _I have a daughter_! A small smile broke out over his face that turned into a larger one, until he was grinning from ear to ear. _I have a daughter!_ That reminder washed over him like a cleansing rain until his good mood was restored. 

Across the street and down the block a little ways from the motel, Sam saw a strip mall with a couple separate buildings to the side. One of them, its colorful sign clearly visible from a distance away, was a _Toys R Us®_  store. It instantly captured Sam’s attention. He patted himself down to make sure he had his wallet, and finding that he did, he crossed the street and followed the sidewalk down until he reached the mall parking lot. He strolled it, and joining other shoppers, entered the large toy store. 

He stopped in his tracks just inside the doors and looked around, amazed. It had been literally _years_ since he had even stepped foot inside a store such as this one. So long ago he couldn’t remember when or where, or for what. The sheer magnitude of the building and all it’s miscellanea of toys intimidated him, but with a plan forming in his mind, Sam moved forward and looked for a salesperson to help him. 

Just down one aisle, filled with everything imaginable that little boys would want, Sam noticed what he assumed was a salesperson. “Excuse me,” he said as he paused next to the teenage girl standing on a short stepladder filling the shelf in front of her with plastic dinosaurs. When she looked over at him and smiled, her mouth full of braces, he gave her one in return. “I’m looking for a crown—a princess crown—for a little girl. Can you tell me if you have something like that and where it’d be?” 

“Sure!” the girl stepped down from the ladder, the multiple hooped earrings in her ears jangling, and once she stood next to Sam, she looked up at him and said, “Come with me.” The metallic grin she gave him was infectious. When she turned and led him back down the aisle and around to another one a short distance away, Sam followed. 

When his guide stopped in front of a large selection of crowns, wands, plastic heels and all sorts of other little girl dress-up paraphernalia, Sam stopped as well. Overwhelmed, his eyes grew large and his mouth gaped in awe. 

The girl grinned at him and said, “Yeah, I know. There’s a lot to choose from. D’you have anything specific in mind?” 

“Yeah,” Sam replied, his gaze moving from one little item to the next. “My little girl, uh, wants a princess crown. She’s six,” he said, proudly. 

“That’s awesome!” the teen said, and reaching out for a package, handed it to Sam. “Maybe she’d like this? I know my little sister did when she was that age.” 

Sam took the cardboard-and-plastic-wrapped package from the girl’s hand and studied it. Encased within the form-shaped container was a glittery, paste-gem covered crown, with a matching pair of clip-on earrings. He grinned at the salesgirl and said, “It’s perfect. Thanks.” 

The teen looked up at him and, with a twinkle in her brown eyes, asked, “She’s six, you say?” At Sam’s nod, she added, “Does she like Barbie dolls?” 

“I don’t know,” Sam said, then considered, “Should I get her one?” He’d never shopped for a little girl before and he was completely lost. 

The salesgirl sent him a conspiratorial grin and, grabbing his elbow, led him around the end of the aisle to the other side where, displayed in all their finery, were more Barbie dolls than Sam had ever thought to see. Not even considering looking through them all, he asked, “Is there a Princess one?” 

“Um, yeah...several,” the girl said as she gestured to one section of the display. Sam walked over and was faced with multiple boxes, all containing Barbies in various princess gowns, colored hair and themes. One almost literally jumped out at him, and he knew immediately it was the one for Lili. He reached out and lifted the box from the shelf. 

The salesgirl noted which one, and commented, “Rapunzel. She’s one of the most popular ones.” The doll was clothed in a confection of pink and purple, with rosebuds at one side of the dress and on the other side of her ankle-length blonde tresses. “Little girls love her because of the hair, I think.” 

Sam was sold. “I’ll take her. At the risk of melting my credit card, what else do you think I should get? My daughter—Lili—is in the hospital, and I want to cheer her up.” 

At his words, the girl frowned and said, “I’m so sorry. I hope she’ll be ok.” She considered for a moment, her lower lip pinched between her teeth, then she asked, “How about some coloring books and crayons? When my sister had her tonsils taken out, she wanted coloring books.” 

Sam nodded and said, “Good idea. Lead the way!” By the time the girl, whom he finally learned was named Carrie, had piled up his arms with all his choices, he was sure he could smell his credit card smoking. He walked out of the store, huge bag in hand, grinning delightedly. _I can’t wait to see Lili’s face when she gets a load of all this_ he whispered softly, anticipating seeing his little girl again.

 

* * * * * 

When Sam walked into the motel room, his mood much improved, he found Dean putting the guns and cleaning supplies away. 

Dean glanced up and noting the shopping bag in his brother’s hand, the logo of the store prominently displayed, he quirked an eye brow questioningly. “Adding to your doll collection, eh, Sammy?” 

Used to his brother’s teasing, and being relieved that Dean’s previously sour mood had eased back, Sam lifted the bag and unnecessarily commented, “It’s Lili’s. She asked for a princess’s crown, and, well, I went a little nuts,” he said ruefully. 

Dean stowed the gun gear inside their cases then slipped them inside a duffle. He turned and crossed the room and stood next to Sam’s bed where Sam had lowered the shopping bag. “What’d’cha get?” His amber-green eyes glistened with glee. 

Sam sent him a warning glare. “No smart-ass jokes, got it?” Dean’s innocent _Who? Me?_ look merely got a frown as a reply from Sam, who opened the bag and pulled out his purchases one by one. 

When Dean saw the coloring books and crayons, his eyes got a faraway look in them. “I remember when Dad was off on one of his hunts, and he left us, as usual, in one of those tiny, rinky-dink motels—I think you were five or so—and you were in your color book phase. You had one about dinosaurs, I think.” He smiled softly. “God, I lost track of the hours you insisted I color with you. By the time dad got back, we had the room littered with your—“ 

“Our—“ Sam inserted. 

“— _our_ drawings,” Dean acknowledged. “You remember that?” His lips curled in amusement. 

Sam nodded his head. “Yeah, I do, actually.” It was one of the good childhood memories he had of the often long, boring, stretch of days he and Dean were forced to spend closed up in the motels their dad left them in while he went hunting for the creature who’d killed their mom. “I’m hoping, you know, to make some good memories with Lili with these,” he said, holding up one of the coloring books. 

Dean smiled softly and said as he reached inside the bag and pulled out the princess crown, ”I look forward to seeing her wear this.” 

“You will, Dean,” Sam said as he lifted the package from his brother’s grasp. “When I go back to see her tonight, I want you to go with me.” When pleasure brightened the leaf-green of Dean’s eyes, Sam smiled and added, “I want to introduce you to your niece.” 

**  
**

***Chapter Six***

When Sam returned to the hospital later in the day, Dean accompanied him. Just to make sure they were welcome, Sam called Lana to check in and to see how Lili was doing... 

“She’s actually had a pretty good day, considering,” Lana had shared with him. “That frog you gave her has kept her smiling all afternoon, and she hasn’t wanted to part with it, even when she had to have some tests done.” Sam could hear the relief in Lana’s voice, and it made him relax, as he’d been afraid that, when he called, he’d be told his visit that morning had tired her out too much. 

“If you think it’d be ok, I’d like to bring my brother with me tonight. He really wants to meet her,” Sam asked. He looked over at Dean, who was reclining on his bed with the newest issue of ‘Busty Asian Beauties.’ Dean glanced up and grinned when Sam nodded his head and gave him a thumbs-up. 

Dean returned it and exclaimed, “Awesome!” 

“We won’t stay long,” Sam promised Lana. “I wanted to ask you, though...have you told Lili who I am, other than just a friend of yours?” He realized his deepening love for his little girl was making him want to be her father in more ways than DNA only. 

“No, Sam, I haven’t,” Lana told him, regret in her voice. “It’s always been just the two of us, and she’s still so young...whenever she’d ask about her daddy, I always told her he was in Heaven. I’m not sure—“ she paused a moment, then admitted, “I don’t know if I want her to know the truth about you. Not yet, anyway. I hope you understand, Sam.” 

Sam tried to push back the disappointment he felt at the knowledge he couldn’t openly claim Lili as his daughter, at least to her face. “I understand,” he said to Lana, but she must have heard something in his tone. 

“Sam? Please don’t let that stop you from seeing her. She— _we_ —need you too much for this to come between you and her. Maybe we can let her believe you’re an uncle on her father’s side, or something. We can work it out,” Lana pleaded, her voice shaky with concern. 

Sam swallowed his pride and said, “We can do whatever you think is best. All that matters to me is that I’m able to help Lili, in whatever ways that is. You want me to be her uncle? I’m down with that. Dean too.” Sam knew he needed to make sure Dean had a place in Lili’s life. They both needed a place in her life, and Sam felt that need to the marrow of his bones. “I also wanted to ask when you thought Dean and I would need to come in for whatever tests the doctors have to perform?” 

“I don’t know yet, Sam. We’ll find out, though. Can you be here first thing in the morning? I’d like for you to be here when Lili’s doctor makes his rounds. Maybe we can find out then.” Lana sounded hopeful at the thought that there was something either Sam or Dean could do to give her daughter a new lease on life, and whatever that turned out to be, Sam wanted to be a part of it. 

“Definitely, I’ll be there. Like I said this morning, you give the word and I’m there, no questions asked,” Sam vowed. He glanced over at Dean once more and found his brother looking back, obviously listening in to his side of the conversation. When Dean gestured at the toy store bag, Sam nodded and said to Lana, “By the way, I have something to bring to Lili...besides my brother.” When he heard Dean laugh, he grinned back and continued, “I went a little crazy this afternoon when I went shopping—“ 

“Oh, Sam...you didn’t,” Lana moaned. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

Sam begged to differ and told her so. “You try being told you have a daughter you never knew you had. Fall in love with her and see if you don’t go nuts shopping in a toy store. I dare you!” When he heard Lana giggle, he joined her, and _Damn_ , he thought to himself, _it feels good!_

Within a few moments, their conversation wound down and Sam told her that he and Dean would be there soon. He shut off his phone and looked over at Dean, and found himself being studied. “What?” 

“It looks good on you, bro.” 

“What does?” Sam asked, confused. 

Dean smiled tenderly and said one word. “Fatherhood.” 

* * * * *

When Sam and Dean walked into Lili’s room later that afternoon, they found Lana lying next to Lili on the bed, the two cuddled closely together, watching cartoons on the television suspended up on the wall. Lili giggled as the animated characters pranced across the screen. 

When she saw Sam, she gave him a huge smile and held out the frog he’d given her that morning. “See? Froggie’s got a boo-boo.” A small band-aid was plastered on one of the frog’s legs. “We had to get a shot today.” She held her left arm out to show him the band-aid that was just barely covered by the frilly cap sleeve of her nightgown. 

Sam moved to the side of the bed and took the stuffed animal in his hands and examined it. “I see. Did Froggy cry?” 

A frown creased Lili’s face as she replied softly, “No, but he wanted to. It hurt.” Then, her smile returned when she confessed, “Mommy kissed it and made it all better.” 

Sam handed Froggy back to Lili and said, his voice low and soothing, “I’ve heard that’s what mommies do. They’re good at making things all better.” He wished he knew that from experience. He wished he could have known his mom. It just wasn’t the same hearing stories about her from Dean. 

Lili noticed the frown on his face, and reaching out, she lightly touched the hand he had resting on the bed frame beside her. “Where’s your mommy?” 

Sam turned and glanced back at Dean who’d hung back by the door. Their gazes met, and Sam saw Dean shared the same sadness he felt himself. He turned back to Lili and said, his voice deep and husky, “My mommy’s in Heaven, sweetie. She went away when I was just a baby.” 

“She did? My daddy’s in Heaven too. Where’s your daddy?” 

Lana placed a hand on Lili’s blanked-covered thigh and cautioned her, “Baby, you shouldn’t ask questions like that.” 

Sam reached out and lightly caressed Lili’s head, and said, “It’s ok. I don’t mind.” He looked down at his curious daughter and told her, “My daddy’s in heaven too. But I have a brother.” He turned to the side and waved Dean forward. “Would you like to meet him, sweetheart?” 

Lili sat forward slightly and looked around Sam until she saw Dean as he stepped closer to the bed. When he reached Sam’s side, Lili grinned up at him and said, in a soft sweet voice, “Hi!” 

Dean gazed down at his niece, and as he did so, Sam watched him. Sam knew the instant his brother was lost to the little girl’s charm. When she held out a tiny hand to him, Dean took it and in a courtly manner, bent down and pressed a kiss on the back of it. 

Dean rose, and grinning, said, “My brother told me he’d met a princess, but I thought he was just telling stories. Now I see he was right.” 

Lili pouted. “I’m a princess without a crown.” 

Sam bent down and lifted the _Toy’s R Us_ ® bag from the floor and placed it beside Lili on the bed. “Not anymore. Look inside.” 

Lili squealed and reached inside the plastic bag, and lifted out the first thing she touched, which was the crown. When she saw it, she cooed in awe, and grinned up at Sam. “It’s just exactly what I wanted!” 

When she reached out to him, her frail arms thrust out wide, Sam felt his heart jump in his chest, and he fought back tears. He bent down and drew her gently in his arms, wanting to hold her tight but not daring to. He held her, and was saddened by the faint medicinal odor that clung to her. He drew back just far enough to kiss her on the top of her head then forced himself to step away. Clearing his throat of the lump that had formed there, he said huskily, “I’m glad you like it. Let me open it for you.” 

Not wanting to draw out his pocketknife in front of her, he stepped aside out of her view and sliced through the plastic until it was sufficiently opened enough so she could pull the crown and matching earrings from the packaging. He returned to her side only to find her digging through the bag and bringing out the rest of the things he’d bought for her. He handed the crown to her. 

She pulled it from the plastic sleeve and handed it back to him. “Will you put it on me?” 

Sam grinned at her lovingly. “Of course.” He gently placed it on top of her head, and adjusted it until it was perfectly situated among the lank curls of her mahogany hair. 

Lili looked at Lana and said, “Mommy, where’s a mirror? I need to see myself.” 

Lana went to her purse and drew from it a small silver compact. She opened it and handed it to her daughter. “Here you go, pumpkin.” She watched, with adoration in her eyes, as her precious child admired herself in the mirror. 

Lili exclaimed, in her childlike manner, “I’m pretty, Mommy!” 

Dean reached for the opened package and lifted the earrings from it, then asked, “May I?” At Lili’s excited nod, he placed first one, then the other, small earring on the lobes of her ears. He stepped back to admire her, and said, his voice suitably awed, “Gorgeous!” 

Lili preened, charming the two men as they nodded their agreement. 

* * * * * 

An hour later, after Lili had thoroughly examined each and every item Sam had bought her, and had excitedly cooed over the Rapunzel Barbie and the coloring books and crayons, Sam and Lana stood to the side and watched as their child sat with one book in front of her, and Dean across from her on the bed with another one, the crayons scattered between them. The pair talked softly, gesturing at each other’s pages and making suggestions on which colors to use next. 

Lana whispered, her voice soft and teary, “I don’t think I’ve seen her this animated in weeks, Sam. What you and Dean have done today is worth more than gold to me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.” She reached up and drew his head close, and kissed him on the cheek. 

Sam sighed, his heart aching from all the emotions twisting through his soul. “There’s no need for thanks, Lana. I love her.” 

Lana studied him a moment, and saw that what he said was the truth. “I see that. I still have to thank you.”.......... 

Sam shrugged and said nothing, then looked over at Dean and Lili and didn’t try to hide the grin that split his cheeks. “I haven’t seen Dean like that since we were kids.” He chuckled. “He’s toast.” 

Lana laughed and admitted, “He’s not the only one. You’re looking pretty crispy yourself.” 

Sam laughed along with her, his heart light for the first time in ages. **  
**

**  
**

***Chapter Seven***

By the time Sam and Dean left the hospital that evening, Lili was drooping with exhaustion, but she still had the strength to reach out her little arms to each of them to give them hugs and a kiss on the cheek. Sam wanted so badly to hold her tight, to hold her for hours, to hold her until she fell asleep secure in his love, but the frailness of her body scared him into releasing her and stepping back, allowing Dean to say his goodbyes. He watched his brother as Dean gently caressed Lili’s mahogany curls, then bent down to kiss her on the forehead. 

“Good night, Pumpkin. Sweet dreams.” 

Lili gazed up at Dean and asked, her voice soft and sleepy. “Will you come and color with me tomorrow?” 

“You bet,” Dean grinned as he reached out to stroke the skin of her cheek. “We haven’t used all the colors in the box yet, have we?” 

“Uh, uh,” Lili replied, her voice fading as she slipped into sleep. 

Dean rose and turned back to face Sam and Lana then joined them where they stood near the door. He frowned at Sam and asked, his tone gruff and snarky. “What are you lookin’ at?” 

Sam sensed more than saw Lana’s surprised and dismayed reaction to Dean’s snarl, so it was only after a moment or two that he realized why Dean had growled at him—his chick-flick despising, emo-hating brother had realized Sam and Lana had watched him as he’d been completely and willingly wrapped around Lili’s sweet little thumb. Sam grinned and, ignoring Dean and his grumpy attitude, turned and reassured Lana, “Don’t mind Dean. He doesn’t like people to know he’s all marshmallow inside that crusty exterior.” 

Lana considered Sam’s comment and took a moment to study Dean until he turned away, obviously made uncomfortable by her regard. Before he could step out of her reach, she placed a hand on his upper arm, and drew his gaze back to hers. “Dean, thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For being here. For being so loving to my little angel.” She looked up at Sam beside her, then back at Dean, and said to the both of them, “I honestly don’t know how to thank you both for being here.” 

Sam couldn’t hold back his response. “She’s mine too, Lana. Maybe you don’t want her to know, but she’s my daughter too, and I will do anything for her, _anything_.” He reached out and laid a hand on her upper back, and caressed it gently, comfortingly. “I know I can speak for Dean when I say we wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here.” 

Dean nodded. “We’ll be back first thing tomorrow. I’m assuming we’ll need to talk to Lili’s doctors?” 

Lana agreed. “Yes, if you would. When I told Dr. Greer that the two of you were coming, he said he would want to explain to you what’s going on with Lili, what we need to do next, and to answer whatever questions the two of you may have.” 

Sam dipped his head; the long fringe of his hair slid down over his eyes as he blinked. “What time would you like us to be here?” 

“Can you be here by 6:45? I know that’s early, but Dr. Greer does his rounds between 7:00 and 7:30, and I didn’t want you to miss him.” Lana reached down and grasped one of Sam’s hands with her left hand, and Dean’s with her right. 

Dean covered their clasped hands with his other one and said, his voice deep and low, “Absolutely. If plans change, just give us a call.” 

Lana nodded and thanked them again then with matching whispered goodbyes, Sam followed Dean out of the room. 

As they strode down the hallway, the lights lowered for nighttime, Sam cleared his throat then said, his voice husky with emotion, “Uh, Dean?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thanks.” Knowing his eyes were tearing up, Sam was relieved when Dean didn’t comment on it, and he suspected it was because Dean was a little embarrassed by how completely he’d fallen under Lili’s spell. 

“For what, dude?” 

“For...well, for everything -- for coming to Seattle with me. For today.” Sam knew his words were bordering on the limits of chick-flick moments Dean despised so much, but his chest hurt with all the emotions he was feeling, and he hoped Dean wouldn’t shut him down for once. 

Dean didn’t say anything as they made their way to the elevator. He pressed the down button, and when the doors opened and the brothers stepped inside, he waited until the doors had closed before he looked over at Sam and said, his own voice husky, “No thanks needed, Sammy. Lili’s family. We take care of our own.” 

Sam couldn’t speak through the lump in his throat. He just nodded and let the moment pass. 

**  
**

***Chapter Eight***

It was after nine p.m. by the time Sam and Dean got back to their motel room. Even though it hadn’t been a strenuously active day, Sam was tired. He was emotionally wrung out from everything having to do with Lili and her medical issues, and the uncertainty of whether or not he and Dean could do anything to help her. 

He knew he needed to hit the sack and try to get some sleep, but instead, he dug his laptop out of its case and set it up on the small table near the room’s miniscule kitchenette in one corner. 

Dean had begun digging through his duffel for the t-shirt he planned to wear to bed when he glanced up and saw Sam opening the computer. “Dude, what are you doing?” 

“Research.” 

Tossing the shirt back on the bed, Dean crossed the room to stand behind Sam, and watched as he logged onto the Internet. “What’s so important you have to research tonight? I don’t know about you, but I’d like to get some shut-eye. Not that _I_ need it, but there’s this thing called ‘beauty sleep.’ It’s a good thing. You oughta try it.” He reached out and slapped the back of Sam’s head lightly. 

Ignoring Dean’s teasing, Sam leaned away slightly and continued tapping his fingers over the keyboard. “Medical information. I need to know more about Lili’s condition.” 

“Sam,” Dean said softly as he pulled out the other chair and sat next to his brother, “I thought that’s one of the reasons why we’re expected at the hospital at o-fuck-thirty in the morning, to get the information from Lili’s doctor.” 

“It is, but—“ Sam paused in this typing and turned to face Dean. He wasn’t sure how to put into words what he was feeling, but he hoped his brother would understand him anyway. “She’s my daughter, Dean. I’ve known about her less than a week, and I already love her. She fills a place in my heart I never knew was there.” Sam knew if he let himself he could get overly emotional about the whole situation, but he was determined he wouldn’t give into it. “My God, Dean.  I’m—“ He turned and forced himself to sit straighter and resumed typing. “I’m not going to lose her, not when I’ve just found her.” 

***** 

When they got to the hospital the next morning, they walked into chaos. While two nurses struggled with a crying and squirming Lili, Lana was trying to calm her down and get her to cooperate, but the exhausted child wasn’t having any of it. His heart crushed by the wails and cries of his child, Sam crossed the room to Lili’s bed and asked, “Can I help?” 

Lana glanced up at him and with a weary sigh, nodded. “If you could just get her to hold still for a couple minutes—“ 

Sam gave a nod of his own head as he moved closer to the bed, and in a soothing voice just loud enough for Lili to hear him, he began crooning to her, and ran a large hand over her sweat-soaked curls. After a couple minutes, Lili calmed down enough to thrust out her arms and Sam took that to mean she wanted him to hold her. He drew her into his arms, situating her while maneuvering her IV line, and whispered into her ear when she put her overheated face into the curve of his neck and throat. “ _Shhhhhh_ , princess. It’ll be okay; everything’s going to be fine. _Shhhhh_...” He held her close, prepared for her to struggle in his arms as one of the nurses managed to give the child her injection, but there were no further problems. Lili remained quiet, and both nurses slipped from the room. 

Finally, Sam felt Lili’s body relax against his until she fell asleep. He looked over at Lana, who had collapsed into a chair, with a questioning gaze. 

Dean, kneeling beside her chair, had a hand on one of her shoulders. Lana glanced over at him with thanks in her eyes, then turned back to Sam and answered his unspoken question.

“After the excitement of yesterday, Lili had another bad night. She hurt, she couldn’t sleep for longer than half an hour at a time, and she became fussy and grumpy. This morning, when the nurses came in to give her an injection, she threw a fit, which you walked in on. I’m just so exhausted myself, I couldn’t handle her.” 

Sam, still cuddling the sleeping child in his arms, slowly rose from the bed where he’d been sitting and moved to the recliner that was in the corner of the room near the foot of the bed. He eased himself into it, and relaxed with a sigh when Lili remained asleep. He placed a soft kiss against the warmth of her forehead, then looked back over at Lana and said, his voice low, “I’ll stay with her if you want to step out for a while. Get some breakfast or something.” He sent a look over to Dean, and without needing to say anything, saw that he and his brother were on the same wavelength. 

Dean nodded, and before rising to stand next to Lana’s chair, said, “C’mon. Let’s take a walk. Coffee sounds like heaven right about now.” 

Lana exhaled loudly and, acquiescing, allowed Dean to help her from her chair with a steadying hand at her elbow. She turned to look back at Sam, and with thanks in her gaze, said, “We’ll be right back.” 

Sam smiled, and pushing with a foot, sent the chair rocking slowly back and forth. He called out softly, not wanting to wake his sleeping daughter, “Take your time. We’re fine right here.” 

***** 

When Dean and Lana returned half an hour later, Sam and Lili were still cuddled in the recliner. Sam had his head forward, his cheek resting against Lili’s head, and he was humming softly to her. 

Lana crossed the room and leaned down to look at her daughter lovingly, and finding Lili still sleeping soundly, she looked up and met Sam’s gaze and gave him a warm smile. She whispered, “Has she been sleeping the whole time?” 

Sam nodded, and replied huskily, “Yeah. She hasn’t stirred at all.” He closed his eyes a moment, and considered how to say what he’d been thinking while he’d been allowed to hold this precious child in his arms. When he reopened his eyes, he looked up at Lana and said, his voice deep with emotion, “Thanks, Lana.” 

“For what?” 

“For her. For letting me know about her. For giving me this chance to spend time with her.” His voice broke, and after clearing his throat, he continued, “I just wish—“ 

Lana reached out and lightly caressed the curls from Lili’s forehead. “Wish for what?” 

Sam pressed another soft kiss on Lili’s head then replied, “I wish that I could’ve known about her long before now. Lana, why’d you wait so long?” 

When Dean joined them, sliding a chair close so Lana could have a seat, she looked up at him and thanked him, then sat and leaned forward, resting her arms on her thighs. She sighed then said, “I don’t know, Sam. I thought about it at times, but I guess I never did anything about it because I had so much going on with Lili’s health issues, and I never felt the need to look for you until now. I know that sounds selfish on my part, and I’m sorry, but I just wasn’t ready to share her.” 

“Lana—“ 

“I do have to share her now, don’t I?” Lana asked, tears forming in her eyes. A single tear beaded from her right eye and left a wet track down her cheek and jaw, where it finally fell and plopped on her bare arm. 

Sam hated to see her cry. He did, but he was glad that they were having this conversation. “Lana, I won’t lie and say that I don’t want her. I do. But I know she’s yours. I gave all rights to her away when I, well...you know. I never considered that someday I’d be given this chance to get to know her. I never thought I could fall _so in love_ , so quickly...but I have. When Dean and I have done what we came to do, please— _please_ —don’t take her away from me.” 

“Sam—“ Lana reached out and placed a hand on Sam’s arm that was curled around Lili’s waist, holding her close. She looked away momentarily, clearly not wanting to get into the discussion with Sam. “Let’s talk about this later, okay? All I want to talk about is what we’re going to do to make my baby better.” 

Sam nodded his head in agreement. He would happily accept whatever he could get, but he so wanted to be able to remain a part of Lili’s life when everything was said and done. He refused to consider any other outcome. 

***** 

By the time Dr. Greer strode into the room, it was shortly after 8:00 a.m. A jovial man, a wide grin split his face as he crossed the room and shook Dean’s hand, then Sam’s, and finally rested a hand on Lana’s shoulder. He was tall, around Dean’s height, slender, and had a full head of silver hair. Sam guessed him to be in his late 40s or early 50s. 

After introductions were made, the doctor said, “I know you have some questions about what we plan to do. Let me fill you in, then I’ll be happy to answer anything you want to ask then, okay?” After both Sam and Dean nodded their agreement, Dr. Greer continued. “First of all, let me tell you that there are a number of tests you will have to go through just to find out if you are a suitable donor match for Lili. Lana told me that you are both willing to do this.” He looked at both Sam and Dean, and getting their confirmations, he added, “This includes numerous blood tests, a CT scan, urine tests, X-rays, an ECG and other examinations. You’ll probably feel like you could glow after you go through all the radiation we’ll put you through.” He grinned in reply to Dean’s _soto voce_ comment, “I can’t wait.” 

He then began telling them what would be entailed in becoming a kidney donor, if it came to that point. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. We’ll take it one step at a time, and hope for the best, shall we?” 

Sam, still sitting in the recliner with Lili asleep on his lap, said, “I hate to ask, but what happens if Dean and I aren’t matches? What then?” 

Dean grumbled low. “Sam...” 

Lana put a hand on Dean’s arm. “No, that’s okay. That’s a valid question, and it’s all right to ask. You both need to know.” 

Dr. Greer ran a hand over his jaw, and said, his voice becoming serious, “If that happens, there may not be anything else we can do. Unfortunately, Lana’s not a good match, and we haven’t found any others, which is why she contacted you, Sam. Lili’s in end stage renal failure, which means if she doesn’t get a transplant, and she can’t remain on dialysis forever, well...the outlook isn’t a good one.” 

Dean stared at the doctor, and asked him what Sam wanted to know as well. “D’you mean she could _die_?” 

Dr. Greer shrugged, and nodded sadly. “Unfortunately, yes.” 

“Damn.” Dean shook his head then said firmly, “No. That’s not gonna happen. One of us,” he gestured at himself and Sam, “will be a match.” 

*****

After the doctor had answered their questions, he asked Sam to put Lili back on her bed so he could examine her. The child was so exhausted from her wild night; she slept through it, and didn’t awaken until over an hour later. 

She looked around until she saw Lana and said, her voice quiet, “Mommy.” 

Lana moved over to the bed and sat on the edge, and leaned down to give Lili a hug. “Hi, sweet pea. You took a nap.” 

Lili nodded, then searched for Sam. When she saw him, she smiled weakly and held out her unencumbered hand to him. 

He strode to the other side of the bed, and like Lana, sat on the edge beside Lili, and grinned back at her. “Hey, princess. How do you feel?” 

Lili, obviously still worn out from the night before, didn’t reply, but Sam knew she didn’t need to. He ran a hand over her lank curls and said, “Dean is here.” He turned and gestured for his brother, and when Dean moved to stand at the foot of the bed, Sam continued, “Do you feel like coloring with him some more?” 

Lili shook her head in reply, and Sam noted the look of disappointment that washed over Dean’s face. 

Dean ran a soothing hand over Lili’s blanket-covered feet and said, “That’s okay, sweetheart. We can do that anytime.” 

Lili looked up at Sam, her face flushed with fever, and it was clear to him that the child would probably not feel up to having company much longer. She needed to sleep, and Lana, he noted, needed to rest as well. He looked across the bed at her, and met her gaze. “You need sleep. I can stay if you want to get away for a few hours. Let Dean give you a ride home.” 

Dean agreed. “That’s a good idea. C’mon, Lana. Let’s get you home. Sam has everything under control.” 

“Lili—“ Lana said, clearly not wanting to leave her baby, but when Dean laid a hand on her arm, she sighed and rose from the bed. “Call me, Sam. If she needs me—“ 

“I’ll call. Go. Get some rest.” 

Once Dean led Lana from the room, and Sam was alone with Lili once more, who’d returned to sleep, he gazed down at her, and all the love he felt for his child made his heart ache. He slowly lay down beside her, not wanting to awaken her, and resting a hand on her arm curled around her and watched her sleep. **  
**

**  
**

***Chapter Nine***

Lili had woken up; Sam was still beside her on the bed, with Lili curled up next to him, and he was reading to her from one of her favorite fairy tale books. The story she’d chosen to have Sam read to her was “The Quiet Castle.”*

_“… _There are three tasks, which if done will deliver this castle from its enchantment; and a great reward will be given to the hero who succeeds.__

_Task the First. Under the moss and leaves of the forest, are scattered a thousand pearls belonging to the Queen. All must be found by sunset of a single day, or the seeker shall be turned to stone.”_

_Lili tilted her head back to look up at Sam, her smoky eyes large in her face, filled with anticipation even as they were bruised and shadowed from her illness. “Will he find them?”_

_Sam smiled down at her and said, his voice gentle, “I don’t know, princess. Let’s read and find out.” He grinned as Lili snuggled closer then continued to read the story, changing his voice for each of the characters._

_“_ _Belinda went outside, saw her cousins’ tracks, followed their trail, and found them both turned to stone. She ran back and asked the little man, "Is there any way I can help them?"_

_The little man nodded, and pointed at the scroll._

_"You mean – if I deliver the castle from its enchantment, my cousins will come back to normal too?"_

_The little grey man nodded again, and pointed toward the stable with its stone horses, and smiled beseechingly._

_"Very well," said Belinda, "I will try."_

Lili said, her small voice reedy, but sure, “She’ll find them, won’t she?”

Sam had never read the story before, so he was clueless about how it ended. By this point, he was as interested in continuing the tale as his daughter was, so he murmured to her, “Let me finish and we’ll both find out, okay, sweetheart?” When Lili nodded her head agreeably, he turned his attention back to the story.

_“So Belinda put the pearls in the sack and took them back to the little man, who beamed with happiness at the sight. He placed the sack on the glass casket, and at once the scroll unwound to show the following words:_

_Task the Second: Somewhere in the mud of the lake, is hidden the key to the Queen’s bedchamber. It must be found by sunset of a single day, or the seeker shall be turned to stone._

_"How ever am I to do that?" thought Belinda._

Sam paused a moment and looked down at Lili. The child wore a thoughtful expression, and it made Sam curious what was going on in her mind. He tipped his head down to get a better look at her face, and asked, “What do you think, Lili? What will Belinda do?”

Lili shrugged her little shoulders and gazed up at him, her brow creased in thought. “Don’t know. Mommy never read this one to me. Read, Sammy.”

When she called him ‘Sammy,” a name up to that point he’d only allowed Dean to call him, Sam was surprised to find it didn’t bother him. He actually liked it. The only thing better, he realized, was if she would call him Daddy—and he knew Lana wasn’t ready to allow that yet. Sighing inwardly, he returned his attention to the story, and began to read once more.

_But she went along to the lake, and there came swimming the little ducks that she had saved. They dived below and quickly found the key._

_Belinda gave the key to the little man, who laid it on the glass casket. The scroll unwound to show:_

_Task the Third: In the Queen’s bedchamber, she lies sleeping with two of her Ladies in Waiting. You must choose which is the true Queen.”_

_Lili’s little body nearly vibrated against Sam’s side in her excitement over the story he was reading. He grinned, enjoying the tale as much as she was. When she giggled over the way he altered his voice for the various characters, he wanted to burst out in laughter along with her, but held it in, not wanting to interrupt the mood._

_“On a little marble table were three cups: two of silver, containing the dregs of hot chocolate, and one of gold, containing the dregs of ambrosia and rosewater. "Well, probably the Queen drank the rosewater," Belinda sighed, "but how does that help me find her?"_

_Just then, through the window flew one of the bees that Belinda had saved. When Belinda told her the story, the bee at once went and sniffed the lips of each lady, and settled upon the one who had drunk the rosewater._

_So Belinda went to that lady's bed, stood straight, and said loudly: "This lady is the Queen!’”_

“She did it!” Lili cried out, clapping her hands. “I knew she would!”

Sam hugged her close and continued reading.

_“At this the three ladies all sat up and smiled at Belinda, and the Queen said, "Welcome to our castle, my dear." Outside, all the stone horses came back to life and began neighing and prancing. The other people of the castle, who had been simply vanished, reappeared also; and all was life and celebration again._

_Belinda’s cousins also were restored, and when they ran back to the castle, found a great crowd on the lawn cheering Belinda as their rescuer. The Queen invited them all to live with her, and even sent for the old uncle as well. She gave him and his sons a nice gamekeeper’s cottage; but Belinda she took to live in the castle and gave the title of Princess._

_So they all lived happily in great splendor and merriment from then on, and many years later after the Queen’s death, Belinda became Queen in her stead.”_

The story ended, Sam rested his cheek against Lili’s head and soaked in the joy he received to be able to spend this time with her, bonding with her, being the father to her she didn’t know she had.

From the corner of his eye he noticed a movement at the doorway, and looking up, saw Dean and Lana standing there. He wasn’t surprised to note the teasing glint in Dean’s hazel-green eyes or the _you-know-I’m-going-to-razz-you-about-this-later_ look on his face. Sam mentally shrugged, not caring for once. _Bring it on, dude_ , he thought. _I’ll just have to remind you about the coloring session yesterday._ He sent the two a grin and, lifting the hand that had been curled around Lili’s body, waved them forward. “Story time. It was awesome.”

Lana chuckled as she crossed the room to stop at Lili’s side of the bed, and bent down to kiss her on the top of the head. “How did Sam do with the voices, pumpkin?”

Lili grinned up at her mom and said, her voice sweet and pure, “He does them good, Mommy. Even the girl voices.”

Sam sent a glare over to Dean, knowing exactly what his brother was thinking. “Don’t even.”

Dean tipped his head back and gave a rumbling burst of laughter from deep in his chest. “I always suspected, Sammy. Lili just confirmed it.”

Sam caught the questioning look Lana sent his way; he shook his head and said, his voice resigned, “Don’t ask. Dean’s just being Dean.” Hoping to head off any further teasing from his brother, Sam changed the subject. “Were you able to get any rest, Lana?”

She grinned and said, “Yeah, I did. Thanks to the both of you, I feel more refreshed than I have in days. You’ve been here all day, Sam. Do you want a break?”

Sam looked down at Lili, who had turned her body toward his and had wrapped her little arm around his waist before closing her eyes. He suspected she’d be falling asleep again pretty soon. A soft smile split his face, bringing the dents of his dimples back into prominence. “Nah. I’m good...unless you want us to take off for a while.” He put the offer out there, but hoped that she wouldn’t insist on it.

“Dude, you have to be hungry at least,” Dean commented. “We didn’t exactly take much time for a bite to eat this morning.”

Sam had just denied any hunger when a low rumble from his stomach made a complete liar out of him. He shrugged, rueful, knowing he was busted. “I don’t want to disturb her,” he said, not wanting to have to move away from the delicate warmth of his little girl, sleeping so contentedly beside him.

“Sam,” Lana said as she reached out to straighten the thermal blanket covering Lili’s body, ”I appreciate what you’re doing, staying with her so I can get some rest, but now it’s your turn to take a break. You’ve been here for hours. Go. She’ll be fine. She’ll probably sleep a while, and you’re always welcome to come back later.”

Sam really, _really_ hated the idea of leaving Lili, but he didn’t want to outstay the welcome Lana had shown him. Moving slowly, he slid his long body off the side of the bed, guiding Lili’s frail weight down fully on the mattress until she was curled up, her head resting on the warm pillow where Sam had been reclining. He stood there for long moments, gazing down at her, until Dean stepped forward and grasped his upper arm.

“C’mon, dude. Let’s give the ladies some peace.”

Sam nodded, then reluctantly turned and joined Dean as they walked toward the hospital room door. He stopped and turned back for one more look, and when Lana waved at him with a gesture that said clearly, _go on...get outta here_ , he frowned and turned to follow Dean the rest of the way out.

*****

Sam was sprawled out on his bed, his computer on his lap, doing more Internet research, and Dean was on his own bed, TV remote in his hand, thumbing through the channels, when Sam’s cell phone rang. Sam noted by the name on his phone view screen that it was Lana on the other end. By the time he picked it up and pressed the send button, Dean had muted the TV.

“Lana? What’s up?” he asked, concern in his voice.

“Sam...I just wanted to head you off at the pass in case you were planning to come back to the hospital any time soon.” The tone of her voice was ragged, and Sam could hear Lili crying in the background, calling out ‘ _Mommmmmy!’_ over and over.

“Lana, what’s wrong? Why is Lili crying?” Sam’s heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest, the pain intensifying with every wail and plea he heard coming from his daughter in the background.

“Sam—“ Lana began then holding the phone from her face, spoke to Lili, _“ Shhhhh, Lili. Mommy will be right there, baby.”_ She returned to her conversation with Sam. “I’m sorry, Sam. When Lili woke up, she was in pain, and she’s been crying ever since. I haven’t been able to console her or get her to stop, so the nurses are here, and they’re trying to calm her down. Now just isn’t a good time for her to have visitors.” Her voice sounded so weary, so worn out, Sam hurt for her almost as much as he did their little girl.

“Lana, maybe if I showed up, she’d calm down. We had such a good afternoon together. Let me try—“ Sam pleaded, still hearing Lili’s whimpers in the background.

“Sam, I—“ Lana exhaled deeply. “I know you want to be here, but I still think we need to have the rest of the day on our own. Please understand. You can come back in the morning. I heard from Dr. Greer, and he said you and Dean could start going through the tests tomorrow. Be here first thing, ok?”

He wanted to say more, to ask to be allowed to be there with them, to hold Lili and take all her pain on himself, but he didn’t want to destroy everything he’d managed to gain thus far. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, frustrated that he was powerless to help, but gave in to Lana’s directive. “Okay. Whatever you say, Lana, but promise me that you’ll call the minute I can do anything for her, and for you. _Promise me!_ ”

He heard Lana sigh through the phone, and her tired response, “I promise. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay. Good night.” Sam ended the call, and after tossing the phone to the bed beside him, he leaned back against the pillow and rested his head against the wall, closing his eyes.

“Dude,” Dean turned to face him, throwing his feet to the floor and sat on the edge of his bed. “What’s wrong with Lili?”

His head still against the wall, Sam turned it and looked across at Dean. “She’s having a bad evening. Lana doesn’t want us going over there.” He reached up and ran his hands over his face and rubbed at his eyes, leaving them red. “Shit, Dean...Lili was crying.

Dean mumbled ‘ _Fuck_ ’ under his breath then asked, “So, what do we do? What do _you_ want to do, Sammy?” He leaned forward and rested his arms along his thighs. “This is your call.”

Sam met Dean’s gaze, and saw how supportive his big brother was being, and it humbled him. “Thanks. I appreciate it, but there’s nothing we can do, tonight at least. Lana said we could be there in the morning, to get started on the tests.”

Dean nodded and said, his voice steady and assured. “Then that’s what we’ll do. Listen, Sammy—“ he stood and moved from his bed to sit on Sam’s, and rested a hand on his brother’s knee. “We’re gonna do everything possible to see this through. Lili will be fine. There’s no other option, man. Winchesters accept no less, right?” He grinned and patted Sam’s knee a couple times before he rose and crossed the room to the small fridge and took out a couple longnecks, then strode back and handed one of them to Sam.

Sam accepted it, and twisting the lid off, tipped it back and drained half of it down. He looked up at Dean and, seeing the humor glistening out of those leaf-green eyes, nodded and smiled back. “You’re right.”

Dean tipped his bottle forward to knock it lightly against Sam’s and said, grinning, “Fuckin’ A!”

**  
**

***Chapter Ten***

Sam didn’t sleep well that night; thoughts about the phone call with Lana and hearing Lili cry so pitifully in the background kept him awake, rubbing at his chest as if it would take away the emotional pain he felt over being powerless to help his daughter in any way she needed. 

He shifted positions, rolling from his back to his left side, and reaching out for his cell phone on the nightstand, saw that it was 3:26 a.m. He’d laid there for over three hours, tossing and turning, his mind not able to shut down so that he could get some sleep, and he was frustrated as well, knowing Dean was across from him on his own bed, snoring happily away. He wanted to grab his pillow and pound on his brother with it. If he couldn’t sleep, Dean shouldn’t either. 

He knew that was just his ragged emotions talking. Flipping the bedding back, he sat up and rose from his bed, and crossing the room, went to the fridge and took a bottle of water out of it. He twisted the lid off and tossed it on the dinette table, then crossed the room to the window overlooking the motel parking lot. He pulled the shade aside, and looked out, yet saw nothing but the images flitting through his mind. 

Lili...God, he loved her. He could only imagine how much more he’d love her had he been able to know about her, spend her entire life with her...be her father in more than just blood only. To have been able to be more than just a father, but a Daddy. To have her know the truth, and have her call him Daddy. That’s what he wanted more than anything. That, and to have her healthy. To be able to know she had her long life ahead of her and that he’d be welcome in her life, to see her grow up, to be a part of her life for always, and not just in times like this when her medical need trumped everything else. 

_There has to be something more I can do_ , he thought to himself, frustrated that he couldn’t think what it could be, beyond what he and Dean were already planning to do later that morning. He let the shade fall from his fingers, and moved back from the window to the chair where he’d left his clothes from the night before. He slipped on his jeans, then dug a couple fresh shirts from his duffle and put them on. After pulling on his boots, he grabbed his laptop, phone and wallet, and slipped silently from the room. 

*****

Three hours later, he was still sitting at a table at the 24-hour café not far from the motel, a cooling cup of coffee beside the open laptop. He’d been searching the Internet for any information he could find about Lili’s disease, and what he was coming up with dismayed him. There was some sense of hope, since many children had success with dialysis and transplants, but there were so many variables in her case, and no guarantees. He wanted to keep a positive outlook about the success of his and/or Dean being a match for Lili, yet the little voice inside him kept reminding him that it wasn’t a done deal. 

That little voice pissed him off. 

His fingers were flying over the keys of the computer when his cell phone rang. He picked it up and wasn’t surprised to see that it was Dean. 

“Dude, where are you?” Dean’s voice was still husky from sleep. 

“Café. I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to disturb you. I figured at least one of us should get some sleep, and since it wasn’t me, I’d make use of my time.” 

“Doing the Internet thing again?” Dean asked, and Sam could hear him moving around. The muted sounds over the phone told him that his brother was in the bathroom, and it was confirmed by the running of water as Dean washed up. 

Sam grunted his response as the waitress stopped by his table and topped off his coffee. He nodded his thanks to her then continued his conversation with Dean. “Yeah. It’s just so frustrating.” 

“What is?” 

“I don’t know. Everything. I can’t find anything beyond what Dr. Greer told us. There _has_ to be something more, Dean.” 

“Dude, that’s his job. He knows his stuff. If there were more to tell us, he would have. I’m sure they’re doing everything possible for Lili. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep up your research.” Dean paused a moment, and Sam imagined it was because Dean was getting dressed and he had to set the phone down long enough to pull his shirt over his head. After the pause, Dean added, “With that brain of yours and your computer skills, if there’s anything new to find, you’ll find it. Chill out for a bit, though. I’ll be there in a few minutes, and we’ll hash this out. Get me some coffee.” 

Before Sam had a chance to respond, the line went quiet. He shook his head. Dean never closed a call by saying goodbye. Shrugging, he resumed his online search. 

***** 

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Dean pass the window where he was sitting. Getting the waitress’s attention, he gestured for a 2nd cup of coffee, and by the time Dean strode inside and made his way to Sam’s table, the requested cup was across from him, steam wafting over the rim. 

Dean slid onto the bench, grabbed the mug and taking a pull from it, sighed in satisfaction. His eyes closed, he took a few more sips then opening them, grinned over at Sam. “Ambrosia. Nectar of the gods. Heaven on earth,” he vowed, then added, “Well, except for pretty women and the warmth between their thighs.” 

“Dude, seriously?” Sam grimaced, glancing around the room to see if anyone nearby had heard his brother’s words. 

Dean chuckled, obviously enjoying getting a rise out of his often prudish little brother. “I find it amazing that you sit there, chapping my ass for my comments, and yet we’re here because several years ago you whacked off for cash, only to find out—“ 

Hurt by Dean’s words, Sam turned to look out the window, and ignored Dean’s softly made apology. 

“Sam...Sammy, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” When Sam didn’t look over at him or reply, Dean reached across the table and grasped Sam’s wrist. “Sam, look at me.” He waited until he finally got Sam’s attention then he continued, his voice filled with remorse. “That was a low blow. You owe me a beat-down, and I deserve it.” 

Sam shook his head, and reached out for his own coffee, not wanting to respond to Dean or his apologies. Instead, he looked up as their waitress neared their table, pad and pencil in hand. 

“Are you boys ready to order?” the older woman asked. Her hair, in a bold shade of orange, was in a cap of ringlets around her head. Her name badge proclaimed her as Marge, and when she looked over at Dean, his broad, flirtatious smile produced a matching one from her. 

Dean laid it on thick, adding, “Darlin’, just bring me the special, and keep the coffee comin’.” 

Marge tapped his shoulder with her pad, called him a scamp, then took Sam’s order of oatmeal and mixed fruit before strolling away, but not before giving Dean another smiling glance over her shoulder. 

Dean, a natural charmer with anything in a skirt, winked at her before turning back to note Sam’s bemused expression. “What?” 

Sam shook his head, and said nothing. 

Dean grinned and commented, “I’ll bet I get free pie out of the deal. Just wait and see.” 

“You’re easy,” Sam said, the dimples in his cheeks appearing as he found humor in his brother’s way with women. 

“Your point is?” 

Sam smirked. “Nothin’...jerk.” 

“Bitch.” 

A little less than an hour later, Dean groaned as the two of them walked out of the restaurant. “I’m stuffed.” He rubbed his stomach and let loose a small burp. 

Sam thumped him on the shoulder and said, “Dude, you should be...a full meal, plus two pieces of pie and four cups of coffee. You’re a glutton.” 

Dean sent Sam a grin of satisfaction, and said, “I love the pleasures in life: food, the ladies, my music and my baby. What more can a man ask for?” He stopped in front of a newspaper machine, fed coins in, then lifted the lid and pulled out a thick bundle of pages. He didn’t notice when Sam stopped several paces away, nor heard his brother say softly, “A healthy child.” 

**  
**

***Chapter Eleven***

When Sam and Dean walked into Lili’s room later that morning, Dr. Greer was still there. As the doctor examined Lili, Lana met Sam and Dean at the door and explained to them what was going on. 

“Lili had a really bad night. She has an infection at the site where they give her dialysis, so they have to clean that out, and she hurts. Dr. Greer had to sedate her just so he could work on her this morning.” Lana’s voice was ragged with exhaustion, and she swayed on her feet. 

Sam reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders to steady her. He led her to the recliner across the room. “Sit. You won’t do Lili any good if you collapse where you stand.” 

Dean knelt by her chair and asked, “How about some coffee? Have you eaten?” When Lana shook her head and said she wasn’t hungry, Dean replied, “Coffee, then. I’ll be right back.” 

Sam waited with Lana while the doctor worked over Lili, and when she leaned her head against him, Sam held her close. 

By the time Dean returned with Lana’s coffee, Dr. Greer had finished with Lili. The child continued to sleep as the doctor turned to face Lana, Sam and Dean. 

“How is she, Doctor? Sam asked. 

“I’ve got the site cleaned out, but I’m not happy with how things are looking, I’m afraid,“ the doctor sighed. “If the two of you,” he gestured to both Sam and Dean, “are still willing to be tested for donor possibilities, we need to get it done soon.” 

Sam nodded. “Absolutely. Just tell us when and where.” 

***** 

By the time the lunch hour was over with, Dr. Greer returned to Lili’s room, and finding both Sam and Dean still there with Lana, he stood in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. “Everything’s set up. Considering how things are going with Lili, I don’t think we can hold off on the testing any longer.” 

Sam felt a cold chill rush down his spine. “What are you saying, Doctor? Are—are things really that bad for Lili?” He heard a small cry fall from Lana, and looking down at her, watched her nearly curl in on herself. He tugged her into his side and held tight. 

The doctor crossed into the room and, unlike most any doctor Sam had ever had dealings with throughout his life, the man knelt before Lana and reached for her hands. “I’m not going to lie. It doesn’t look good. That’s why I want the two of you,” he looked from Sam to Dean, “to come with me. We’ll get you tested for compatibility, and pray for the best.” 

Dean looked over at Sam and shared a long gaze. “Go, Sammy. I’ll stay with Lana then I’ll take my turn when you get back.” 

Dr. Greer shook his head. “Um, actually, you both need to go. Get it done now.” 

***** 

Waiting for the test results was nerve-wracking for Sam. He could only imagine what it must be like for Lana. He could clearly see how exhausted she was, and no matter how often he tried to get her to go home and get some rest, or to leave with him to take a break in the cafeteria, she refused. He knew he’d do the same thing. So, he stayed close, and took turns with Dean and Lana to sit with Lili, to play with her when she felt up to it, and to hold her in his arms when she wanted to be cuddled. 

Watching Dean interact with his young niece was an eye-opener for Sam. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched Dean read quietly to the child, to tell her stories, to softly sing to her, albeit somewhat out of tune. 

“You’re actually pretty good at that, dude,” he said as he settled himself on the end of the bed, facing Dean and Lili who were huddled together against the pillows. Lili’s head was tucked under Dean’s arm, her eyes closed as she dropped off to sleep once more. 

“Had some practice with you, Sam.” Dean leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on the top of his niece’s head, then sighed. “What’s taking so long?” 

Sam shrugged. He looked over at Lana, who was asleep in the recliner, her head tipped to one side at an uncomfortable angle. “We’ll hear soon.” He reached out and ran a finger over one of Lili’s pale cheeks. His voice soft, he admitted, “I love her so much, Dean. I don’t want to lose her. I can’t.” 

The results hadn’t come in by the time visiting hours were over for the day. Sam didn’t want to leave, but neither he or Dean were given a choice in the matter. Taking Lana’s chilled hands in his, Sam made her promise. “Call me, no matter what the time, if anything happens, ok? Try to get some rest, and we’ll be back first thing in the morning.” He squeezed her hands, and when she said nothing but merely gave him a nod of her head, he pulled her close and held her for a long moment. 

Dean followed him out of the room and down the hallway, and they were both silent until they were completely outside the building and standing next to the Impala. Dean rested his crossed arms on the top of the car. “Wanna grab a bite to eat, Sammy?” 

Sam shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” He pulled the door open and settled himself inside. 

Dean joined him then sat a moment before he inserted the keys into the ignition, and gave Sam a long look. “She’s gonna be alright, you know. She’s a tough little girl. She’s got hardy Winchester genes. It’s gonna work out.” Another long pause, then he turned the key and the car roared into life. 

**  
**

***Chapter Twelve***

When Dean awoke the next morning, it was to find Sam coming out of the bathroom, steam billowing through the door. Squinting and rubbing a hand over his gritty eyes, he asked huskily, “’Time’s it?” 

Sam strode to the bedside table between their beds and slipped his watch over his wrist then looked at it. “Almost seven. There’s still hot water left.”

Dean grunted then rolled over to his back and yawned loudly. “Any word from Lana?” 

Sam sat on the edge of his bed and sighed. “No. Maybe it’s too early yet.” He hadn’t slept worth a damn the night before. All he could think about was Lili, and what the test results might be. He hoped like hell that one of them would be a match. He wanted for it to be him.

“Sam—“ Dean said as he sat up. He looked over at his brother and studied his face, worry etched across it. “She’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Sam didn’t know who he was trying to convince, Dean or himself. “Keeping a positive attitude, here.” He forced a smile to his face, hoping it was convincing. 

As he rose from the bed, Dean pressed a hand to his brother’s shoulder. “Works for me, dude.” Stepping toward his duffel, he pulled out clean clothes then crossed toward the bathroom door. Looking back over at Sam, he tapped the door frame then said, “Gimme 10, then we can grab some grub.” 

Sam nodded in reply, his brother’s words fading as he went back to worrying about what the day would bring. 

When they walked into Lili’s room a little after 8:00, the first thing Sam noted was the hopeful look shining from Lana’s eyes. He strode across the room and kneeling at her feet, took her hands in his. “You got the word?”

Lana smiled and nodded. “Just a little while ago. I hadn’t had the chance to call you. Dr. Greer just stepped out not five minutes ago. Sam—“ She pulled her hands from his and cupped his face. “He said you’re a match.” 

Sam felt his eyes well up. “Really?” He grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, and buried his face into her hair. “Oh, God!” He felt a hand on his shoulder. Pulling back, he looked up at Dean with a smile splitting his face. “Dude! I’m a match!” 

“Yeah, man. I heard.” Dean’s voice was raspy and emotion-filled. Clearing it, he added, “That’s awesome news, Sammy.” 

Sam rose to his feet and looked over at the bed where Lili slept. “How’s she doing this morning?” 

Lana rose to her feet as well, and crossing the short space between recliner and bed, sat beside her daughter. Caressing the girl’s tangled hair, she leaned down and kissed her baby’s temple. “She’s hanging in. She had a restless night.” She looked up at Sam. “She asked for you.” 

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come.” Sam moved to the bed and sat on the other end, across from her. “I would have come, no questions asked.” 

“I know, but you’d been here all day and you were tired. You needed to rest.” 

“And you didn’t?” Sam gently lectured her. “Lana, I’m here for you both. Not just her.” He reached out and caressed his daughter’s curls. 

“I know. You’re here now. That’s what counts.” At her words, there was a knock on the door, and all eyes turned. 

“Good morning!” Dr. Greer announced as he stepped into the room. He stepped to the bed and gripped Sam’s shoulder. “Did Lana give you the good news?” 

Sam nodded. “She did. So...what’s next, Doc?” 

“Well,” Dr. Greer studied Sam. “We do a few more tests. You aren’t a perfect match, Sam, but things look good enough we think we can proceed with further tests to confirm. If everything turns out as we hope, I think we can get the procedures underway by the end of the week.” Catching Sam’s overjoyed gasp, he cautioned, “Keep in mind nothing’s a guarantee. I said things look good. I didn’t say it’s a definite. Everything right now hinges on this little girl,” he caressed the transparent skin over Lili’s wrist, “and how she manages to hang on.” He sighed. “I’m not going to blow smoke up your ass and tell you everything’s good. It’s not. Lili’s a very sick little girl, but she’s a fighter. We’ll just continue onward and pray for the best.” He gave them all a reassuring grin. “I’ll make some arrangements then I’ll let you know A.S.A.P. on what’s next.” 

Dean escorted the doctor to the door. “Thanks, Doc.” 

“I’ll check in again later.” Dr. Greer tapped the doorframe then strode out, leaving three relieved adults and a sleeping child in his wake. 

Lili awoke a short while later, and when she saw Sam, she held out her thin arms. “Sammy,” she smiled weakly. “Hug, please.” 

Sam moved close and as gently as he could, gathered her into his arms. “How’s my Princess this morning, huh?” 

Her words too soft for anyone but Sam to hear, she said, “I don’t feel too good. Ribbet kept me awake all night.” 

Sam smiled into her hair. “He did, huh? Bad frog. We’ll have to lecture him on proper manners, won’t we?” 

Lili nodded against his chest and snuggled closer, holding as tightly as her weakened strength allowed. “Missed you last night.” 

“I know, baby. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’ll stay all day with you, how’s that?” Sam closed his eyes against the tears that threatened to flood over his lashes. He began to gently rock his body and hummed softly, tunelessly. 

Within a short span of minutes, the girl drifted asleep again, content once more to have her Sammy close. 

**  
**

***Chapter Thirteen***

Once the test results came in, things proceeded quickly from then on. That was a good thing, as Lili’s health continued to decline, so much so Dr. Greer worried she may not be able to handle the transplant procedure when/if it came to it. 

Sam refused to hear anything but positive comments. He had to for his own sake. He refused to give up hope. He just _knew_ everything would work out. 

It had to. 

Between himself and Dean, they kept Lana company as much as she and hospital rules allowed, and, to Lana’s annoyance, they both insisted she take regular breaks for food and sleep. It was at Dean’s suggestion that the men took turns standing watch. Like Lana, Sam didn’t want to leave Lili’s side, wanting to be there if anything happened, but to Dean’s own stubborn, _I’m the big brother and what I say goes_ insistence, Sam found himself being pushed out the door at regular intervals as well. 

“Get out of here, dude. I’m tired of lookin’ at your weary face. I’ve got things covered here,” Dean ordered as he pulled a coloring book out of the rolling tray table beside Lili’s bed. “Princess and I have a date with a box of crayons.” 

Lili giggled softly. Grinning up at Dean, she waved at Sam. “Go, Sammy. Deanie and I gonna color.” 

Sam didn’t bother stifling a snort. _“Deanie?”  
_

Dean growled at him. “Don’t even.” 

Sam gave the first full-throated laugh he’d had in days. It felt good. “I have a long memory, man. Just when you think I’ve forgotten—“ 

_“Out!”_ Dean pointed at the door, gruffly. “You’re interrupting our date.” He winked down at Lili, giving her a broad smile. 

Sam wiggled his fingers at Lili then did as ordered, chuckling as he stepped out the door, loving the sound of his precious daughter as she giggled at something her _Deanie_ said. 

By the end of the week, test results revealed that, although Sam wasn’t the perfect match, enough of the key points matched up to allow them to try for a transplant. Sam, not to mention Lana, was overjoyed. 

Dr. Greer continued to caution them that there were no guarantees. “We’re going to continue to do our best, but I want you to keep in mind that it’s all up to Lili, and whether or not her body can withstand the surgery.” 

Dean asked what the others were afraid to. “What are her chances, Doc?” 

Dr. Greer paused before replying, and gave a weary sigh. “I don’t know. Less than 50%, I think.” 

Sam gasped. “That little? Why?” He looked across the room at Lili as she slept, something she did most of the time anymore. Her face was pale and translucent, the tiny veins of her eyelids standing out against the paleness of her face. 

“Sam, that little girl has fought through a lot since the day she was born. Her body is wearing out.” Reaching out, Dr. Greer gave Lana a comforting pat on her shoulders. He’d told her all this before, so his words were no shock to her. 

“So, when does the surgery happen?” Dean spoke up. 

Dr. Greer smiled softly, reassuringly. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’ve got operating rooms scheduled for first thing in the morning. Sam, let’s get you admitted. If all the stars align properly, Lili will have a new kidney this time tomorrow.” 

Sam knew there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d be able to sleep that night. It hadn’t taken long for him to get admitted and settled into a room of his own. 

Dean hung out between Sam’s room and Lili’s until he was told to leave, in no uncertain terms, by the head night nurse. Once he’d given Lili a good night kiss on the forehead, which she slept through, he went into Sam’s room, planning to settle himself for the night in the recliner in the corner. 

To his annoyance, both the nurse, and Sam, insisted he leave. “Go, Dean. There’s no need for both of us to go sleepless tonight. Get out of here. Get a late dinner. I’ll be fine.” 

“Getting’ bossy there, Sammy. You know how much that turns me on.” 

Sam flipped him the bird. “Jerk.” 

Dean grinned. “Love ya too, bitch.” He sighed then headed for the door. “Get some sleep, dude. I’ll be here first thing in the morning.” 

Sam chuckled. “I’ll make sure the nurses have your IV of caffeine standing by.” 

“You’d better.” Dean headed for the door, then turned and promised, “Everything’ll be fine, Sammy. I know it will.” 

Sam nodded. He sure hoped so. 

Sam didn’t have a chance the next morning to see or speak to Lili before each of them was taken into surgery. He only had a short minute to see Dean before the nurses wheeled him away. The last he saw before doors blocked his view was his brother raising a hand, giving him the thumbs up. 

When he awoke several hours later, the first thing he thought about as his loopy brain began to clear was _Lili._

Turning his head on the pillow, he saw Dean sitting beside his bed, flipping idly through a car magazine. _“Dean—“  
_

Dean lifted his head at the sound of his name. “Hey, Sammy! So you finally decided to wake your lazy ass up, huh?” 

Standing over the bed, Dean rested a hand lightly over Sam’s leg. “How’re you feeling, man?” 

“ _Lili?”_ Sam croaked. “ _’ow ’s she_?” 

Dean shook his head. “Don’t know yet. She’s still in surgery, and I haven’t heard anything. I’ve been hanging around here with you since they finally let me in.” 

“ _Go fin’ out,”_ Sam managed to ask before coughing huskily. After sipping from a cup of water Dean helped him with, he added, “ _Need t’ know, D’n_.” 

Dean patted his leg again, and nodded. “Stay put, dude. I’ll find out and be right back.” 

Before Dean was even out of the room, Sam was slipping back into sleep…. **  
**

When he woke up the next time, Sam’s brain was clearer. He looked for Dean, and not finding him, immediately panicked. “ _DEAN_!” Tossing the bedding aside, he prepared to get of the bed only to find himself unable. Sharp pain wracked his body, and he grunted with it, collapsing back against the bed weakly. “ _Dean…”  
_

The door swung open and his brother walked in. “Sam!” Hurrying over to his side, Dean immediately read and understood the frantic look in Sam’s eyes. “Relax, Sammy. Things are ok. I just spoke to Lana. Lili’s in PICU right now. She came through surgery well, but they have to keep a close eye on her. She’s still under sedation, so it’ll be a while before we know anything.” 

Sam closed his eyes in relief. “Wanna see her,” he whispered, his voice dry and husky. “Soon ’s‘possible.” 

“I know, man. Me too.” Dean pulled up a chair and sat, keeping a calming hand on Sam’s leg. “You know that won’t happen for a while yet, but I’ll keep checking, ok?”

Sam nodded reluctantly, knowing Dean spoke only the truth. 

Sam was kept in the hospital for four days. Four long days, in his opinion, especially as he wasn’t allowed to go see Lili. At first, he knew he couldn’t see her because he was in too much pain. He was assisted from his bed the first day, as his doctor insisted he start getting some exercise. By the second day, he was still sore as hell, but at least he was able to walk slowly down the hallway, and was happy to see Lana when she came to visit him. 

“How’s Lili, Lana?” he asked as he took her hands in his. “How’s the Princess?” 

“She’s holding her own, Sam. My baby’s good, and that’s all thanks to you.” Lana leaned forward, pressing Sam’s hands to her forehead. “Thank you so much for giving my baby back to me.” Tears flowed down her cheeks, but they were happy tears. 

Sam winced slightly when Lana reached for him and held on tightly, but he held her close for several long moments until she finally pulled away. “I want to see her. Is that ok?” 

“I don’t know, Sam, but I’ll ask. Dr. Greer said he wants to keep her in PICU for another few days yet to monitor her, and I know visitation is pretty limited. They’re afraid of infection, so I’m even limited on how often I can see her and for how long. I’ll ask, though, ok?” 

Sam could only agree, and hope that he’d be able to see her soon. 

He needed it more than he needed his next breath. 

**  
**

***Chapter Fourteen*  
**

 

Sam was finally able to see Lili the next morning, but only briefly. Dean walked with him to the PICU wing, where Lana met them just outside her daughter’s room. 

“Hey, Sam, Dean.” Lana looked exhausted to Sam’s eyes, with bruised eyes and lack-luster hair. When Sam pulled her into his arms for a hug, she sighed loudly into his chest. 

“What is it, Lana?” Sam asked, worried. “Has something happened?” He looked over at Dean and saw his brother’s equal measure of worry. 

Nodding, Lana took a step backward to look into his eyes. “Overnight, Lili started to do a lot of coughing. Wet, croupy coughing, the kind filled with that nasty, sticky phlegm that won’t come up, you know?” The brothers nodded, knowing what she meant. “My baby’s so weak, she just can’t cough it up. Dr. Greer has started giving her a wide spectrum of antibiotics, hoping to nip any infection in the bud, but so far, she’s no better. She’s so exhausted.” 

Nodding, Sam asked, his heart heavy, “Can we see her?” 

Lana sighed again as she ran a hand through her hair, sweeping it back off her face. “Just for a few minutes, and only one of you. Dr. Greer left orders.” 

Dean gripped Sam’s shoulder supportively, and said, his voice soft and low, “Go ahead, Sammy. I’ll take Lana downstairs for some coffee.” When Lana looked ready to argue, Dean added, “Doc’s not the only one who’s giving orders. Come with me. I insist. Let’s get some caffeine in you. Lili will be fine with Sam.” 

As Dean led Lana away, Sam stepped inside Lili’s room and made his way silently to her bedside. He studied her as she slept fitfully, raspy coughs wracking her frail body. After a couple minutes, he pulled a chair up to the bed and sat, then taking the little girl’s hand in his, began to stroke it as he started whispering softly to her. 

“Hey, Princess. It’s Sam. Can you hear me, baby girl?” Raising her hand to his lips, he kissed the back of it, his words muffled against her skin. “I know you’re feeling tough, and it hurts to cough. Just keep fighting, ok? Your mama and _Deanie_ and I are all here. I’m not leaving you, sweetheart. I’m not…” 

Throughout the rest of the day, both Sam and Dean spent whatever few minutes at a time with Lili as they were allowed. For every five minutes he was given with the child, Dean stepped back, giving Sam half an hour or more. More often than not, Dean took it upon himself to make sure Lana was fed and took her own breaks, even though she usually fussed about it. 

Sam refused to go far from the PICU ward. When he couldn’t be with his precious child, he was just down the hall in the family waiting room. Dean kept him company most of the time, deck of cards at the ready; though at some point Dean gave up trying to keep his brother’s mind off the child down the hall. His last several attempts at conversation went completely ignored. 

Sam sat and brooded, waiting for the next time he could visit with Lili, if only for a couple minutes. 

This became the pattern for the next several days – long days spent waiting for the five minutes here and there when they could see Lili and talk to her; and for Dean, tell her stories he would make up on the spot, whether Lili was awake and aware enough to hear them or not. 

More often than not, she wasn’t. 

As the days passed and Lili didn’t respond to the antibiotics, pneumonia set in. Dr. Greer pulled Lana and the brothers aside, and with a weary sigh, shook his head and admitted, “I hate like hell to say this, but it doesn’t look good. We’re doing all we can, but…” 

When Lana choked out a sob, Sam put his arms around her and held her tight, his own hazel eyes clouding with tears. He felt Dean’s hand on his back, a gentle rub of support. 

Dr. Greer studied the threesome a moment before sighing again then said, “I’m leaving orders that the three of you may spend what time you like with her. I’m sorry. I wish I could have done more.”. 

“You’ve done _everything_ , Doctor,” Lana turned her tear-stained face his way. “Thank you.”. 

Dr. Greer rested a hand on her shoulder, then nodding, stepped away. 

Lana pulled out of Sam’s arms, and drying her face, said, “I need some time alone with my baby. Do you mind?” 

Sam couldn’t speak, his throat too clogged with emotions to let any words out. He just nodded and looked on as Lana turned her back to them and went into Lili’s room. 

“Sammy—“ 

“No, Dean. No. I—I can’t. I just can’t.” Sam turned and walked away. 

*** 

An hour later, Dean stepped inside the hospital’s small chapel. It hadn’t taken much thought to realize where his brother would be. He’d known Sam wouldn’t go far. He let the door shut behind him with a soft thud as he walked slowly down the carpeted aisle. Sam was sitting in the second pew on the right side, his broad shoulders slumped and his head hanging forward. 

“Sam?” 

Twisting around rapidly to face his brother, Sam asked, “Lili?” 

“No change,” Dean said as he slipped inside the pew and sat beside Sam, their shoulders and thighs meeting. Leaning in a moment, Dean let his body weight bump against his brother’s as he asked, “How’re you doing, Sammy?” 

His voice terse, Sam responded, “How do you think I’m doing, Dean? The doctor just told us that Lili – my _daughter_ – isn’t going to make it. How—how am I supposed…” His voice broke, and his shoulders began to shake with his sobs. 

Dean usually found it hard to show his caring and concern for others with open affection, but now, with his brother falling apart, he couldn’t just sit there and do nothing. How own heart was heavy with sadness, and he knew Sam had to be feeling so much more. 

Turning to face his weeping brother, he said, “C’mere,” and opened his arms. Immediately, he found his arms filled with Sam’s trembling body. 

*** 

When the brothers returned to Lili’s room, they found Lana sitting beside the bed, softly murmuring to the little girl. At their approach, she looked up and gave them a soft smile. “She’s awake!” 

Sam moved swiftly toward the other side of the bed and gazed down at his little Princess. When she looked up at him, her eyes at half-mast, Sam was thrilled to see her little lips curve up into the slightest hint of a smile. 

“Hey, sleepyhead! You finally decided to grace us with your attention?” Leaning down, he pressed a long kiss to her forehead, which felt much too cool to suit him. “How’re you feeling, baby girl?” 

“ _S’my_ ,” she whispered almost too softly for him to hear her. 

“I’m here, baby. Me and Mama and Deanie.” 

“ _D’nie_?” 

At the word, Dean sidled up beside Sam. Reaching for her other hand, Dean smiled down at her. “Hey, darlin’.” 

“ _N’t d’rln_. _Pr’nc’ss.”  
_

All three adults chuckled at her insistence on being a Princess. 

Sam lowered his face to just above her head. Drawing a strand of hair away from her ear, he whispered, “You’re MY Princess. Always and forever.” 

With a small nod, Lili’s eyes slipped closed once more. 

**  
**

***Epilogue***

The day was gray and overcast, intermittent rain falling in heavy drops, plopping loudly upon the leather coat Dean wore as he stood beside his brother. His hands thrust inside his pockets, he waited silently, patiently, as Sam knelt in front of the large granite marker. 

Reaching his large hand out, Sam ran a finger over the name chiseled into the stone –

 

_LILIANE MARIE MONROE_

_2003-2009_

_Our Darling Princess_

“This is so wrong.” 

“Sam?” 

Sam’s hand trembled as he wiped a muddy smudge off the embedded photo of Lili on the center of the stone. “She shouldn’t be here. She should be alive, laughing happily, playing. Not here. Not this soon. We barely even—“ His voice cracked then, and hanging his head, Sam couldn’t hold back the tears that filled his throat and ran in rivulets down his face, mixing with the rain that already had him wet. 

Dean knelt beside him, and lifting a hand, rested it on his brother’s shoulder. “I know, Sam. It sucks ass. It does, and I miss her too. But there’s something you – WE – will always have.” 

“What?” Sam asked as he turned to look over at Dean, his eyes red and already swollen with tears. 

“Memories, Sammy. Good, no – AMAZING – memories. We’ll never forget her smile, her laughter—“ 

“—her insistences on being a Princess--” 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, that too. “ 

Sam nodded as he ran a thumb over her image, trying to recall how the softness of her skin felt to his touch. It scared him that even after the short time that had passed since he’d touched her last, he was beginning to forget the sensation. “I don’t want to forget.” 

“You won’t, Sammy. She was your daughter.” 

Sam nodded. “She was a Winchester. Maybe not in name—“ 

“It’s blood that counts, Sam. She was family.” Dean patted Sam’s shoulder as he rose to his feet, the loud crinkle of his leather jacket filling the space where words were moments before. 

Giving the portrait of his daughter one more caress, Sam pulled himself to his feet. Pressing fingertips to his lips, he kissed them, then put them on the edge of the stone. “See you later, Princess. Daddy loves you.” 

Turning, he followed Dean across the grass toward the Impala where she awaited them.

  


* * *

* <http://www.rosemarylake.com/ft-queenbee.html>

**Author's Note:**

> I knew how this was going to end before I even started writing it. Considering the kind of life the brothers lead, I wasn't (and still aren't) prepared to sugarcoat the ending, or rewrite it, to make my readers feel better. I hope you enjoyed reading and are ok with how it ended. Maybe, someday, I will write a sequel that will end happier!


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